#Arthur is Shrek’s son | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs | Tumgik (2025)

I'd love to hear more of the "Shrek Adopts Arthur" AU, if you have it. Maybe what Arty's up to in the second movie?

Well in the second movie he’s with Shrek and Fiona of course meeting his grandparents. He’s quite excited and the grandparents are startled because wtf?

I imagine Queen Lillian is actually delighted to have a grandchild so soon. She is very happy to meet Arthur. Meanwhile Harold is… he likes the boy. He’s not a bad man, he’s just very much not a fan of his daughter’s choices plus the fact the fairy godmother is threatening him. He quite likes Arthur.

Fairy Godmother I think… wouldn’t hate Arthur either. She wouldn’t like him much but she reasons they can make the argument an adopted child isn’t the same as a blood one. Prince Charming… he’s the issue here. However he has to put up with it.

Of course Shrek still gets sent out and Arthur is taken to spend time with his new Grandparents but he picks up something odd is happening fast.

Then the whole ‘true love’ thing is going on, and Fiona is human while Charming is pretending to be Shrek. Arthur clocks it fast. Like stupid fast. However he makes the mistake of confronting Charming who knocks him out. Fairy Godmother puts a curse on him of eternal sleep.

Shrek, despairing and having left, hears of this and SNAPS. He partly left Arthur behind because he’s got a lot of emotional issues surrounding his human son being raised in a swamp that were made worse by Fairy Godmother. But oh fuck this shit thanks.

Arthur can only be woken up by true loves kiss… in this case his parents kissing.

18 notes · View notes

Shrek 5 predictions:

Shrek's daughter (who I will be calling Shrendaya from here on out) wants to go away to a human college but Shrek (despite his human in-laws) doesn't want her mixing with humans. Queen Lillian is inexplicably missing, presumed dead.

The secondary protagonist is the son of Prince Charming, who he calls Junior, but prefers to go by CJ (because he thinks it's cool). He's got little to no personality except for being "awkward" where his father is confident

The main antagonist is the ghost of the Fairy Godmother. Her main motive is looking for a MacGuffin that'll bring her back to life so she can take down the Shrek family.

As part of her plan, she enlists CJ to seduce Shrendaya so she'll get them to the MacGuffin. Unfortunately, he starts to catch real feelings for her, despite their total lack of chemistry.

Shrek is apprehensive of CJ at first, which puts a strain on his relationship with Shrendaya who thinks he's being humanphobic. Eventually he and CJ have a heart to heart which is around the time that he decides to abandon his Fairy Grandmother's plan

This is when it all comes to light, leading to a third-act breakup and Shrendaya singing a sad ballad cover of an Olivia Rodrigo song. This scene exists as a soft launch for Zendaya's music career

There is a scene where Fiona injures herself in a martial arts fight because her joints aren't what they used to be.

During a fight sequence, there's a scene where the Shrek Family stand back to back while the camera circles them like that one group shot in the first Avengers film

There is a scene of someone flossing. I don't know who, I'm leaning Donkey but the thought of him doing anything bipedal terrifies me.

There is a singular cameo from Puss, in which he has a litter of kittens and is struggling with fatherhood. He's also "let himself go"

There's a brief Arthur cameo. There is a "this will ruin the tour" joke

Shrek's son is "openly gay". This means that near the end, he is seen holding hands with an unnamed background human man. The critics lose their shit over this, despite there being so much queer coding in previous movies (Doris, Big Bad Wolf, the whole plot of S2, etc.)

Donkey and Dragon are in a rough patch. There is a sexy evil girl donkey who exists solely to tempt Donkey into having an affair. She has boobs and eyelashes. Dragon kills her at the end.

Regardless of canon, the dronkeys stay at the age we last see them, and exist mostly as marketable plushes

Shrek is insecure about getting older. His arc is about how if he loves his kids he should let them go and recognise that the world has changed

There is a True Love's Kiss at the end between Shrendaya and CJ. Neither of them change into a human or ogre respectively.

Said kiss happens when Shrendaya punches CJ and says "THIS is for betraying me. And *this* is for everything else"

There is a dance party closing sequence. Possibly to a Charli XCX song.

The Snow Queen is set up as an antagonist, but is killed off early on, as she's about to break into song. Someone inevitably makes a snide "Let it go" comment

The fart jokes are cranked up to 11. A LOT of them are about how Shrek Is Old Now

There is a mid-credits teaser for another sequel or spinoff.

If they're teasing Shrek 6, they'll set up Rapunzel as the main antagonist

11 notes · View notes

I like the idea of sense Cat is of earth and not Britannia and she grew up with things like the games and movies. Meaning when Tristan was born and she adopted Link. She probably shared the stories when during bed Time stories.

Tristan and Link learning about Lion King, Shrek, Puss In Boots, Spirited Away, Legend of Zelda, How to Train your Dragon, and the list goes on! Tristan and Link are gonna develop a good amount of imaginations thanks to their Mama Cat.

Side fun Plot! Link attempts to teach the Cats how to use Swords like 'Puss in Boots'. Link asks the Castle Tailor to make Boots for Cats so he can create his own Feline Fighters.

Arthur would catch a glimpse of this going on and be like 'What is even happening????? Why is my son teaching those monsters how to fight?' Oh you know Arthur is gonna have a word with Catherine about the 'Cats with Boots' issue.

That sounds so cute. Imagining little Link curled up beside his mama as she tells him of Puss in Boots and how he fought bravely. Or how a young man was able to train a dragon and ride it.

Of course the cats are not at all like Puss in Boots, so it's amusing to see Link try to 'teach' the cats how to fight. The cats could care less about what he's saying. Curled up in a ball and not paying any attention to him.

2 notes · View notes

Shrek The Third

“Shrek The Third” fails to deliver the same level of quality and creativity that its two predecessors gave us.

Shrek is not enjoying his stay at Far Far Away and just wants to go home. When he discovers that King Harold is dying, he learns that he’s next in line to become king. Hesitant to take on that responsibility and stay in Far Far Away, Shrek goes on a quest to find the only person who can replace him, a boy named Arthur Pendragon. Before leaving, Shrek learns that his wife is pregnant and he is not happy about that.

I watched this movie in theaters and, before rewatching it, I couldn’t tell you a single detail about it. That goes to show how forgettable this movie truly is. I remembered it being super boring and it was one of the only few movies that I had trouble keeping up with the plot because it was so unengaging. As an adult, I’m all about giving movies I’ve watched as a kid a fair shake. “Shrek The Third” was just as uninteresting and boring as I remembered. For starters, I thought the jokes weren’t on the same level as the first two. What do I mean by that? Isn’t comedy subjective and therefore this criticism holds no weight? Well, what I mean is that the jokes in this movie aren’t crafted the same way the jokes in the first two movies were. The jokes in the first two movies were creative and cleverly injected commentary. Some examples are the Starbucks joke being a commentary on the oversaturation of their locations or how the kingdom of Duloc was a parody of Disney World. The jokes in this movie were mean-spirited, like the death of King Harold being painfully dragged out, or attempts at making childlike humor, like the scene of Gingy getting lost in the memories of his layered past. The song choices were a staple of the first two Shrek movies, but this installment missed the mark entirely. It gave me such tonal whiplash to see King Harold’s funeral playing a James Bond song in the background because the song has the word ‘die’ in it. The story of the first two Shrek movies had powerful themes of acceptance of who you are. “Shrek The Third” has some half-assed attempt at themes of fatherhood or something. There’s no clear message they want to convey. It’s mostly ignored throughout the movie, but when the movie wants to bring its theme to the audience’s attention, it’s too heavy-handed. They missed some great opportunities to really hammer their point too. Shrek had reservations about becoming a father because ogres typically aren’t good parents. Arthur was abandoned by his parents and was in serious need of some parental guidance. Was it so hard to marry those two arcs together and have Arthur be Shrek’s surrogate son so they could both learn from one another? Through Shrek’s guidance, Arthur could’ve learned why it’s so important to take the responsibility of being king seriously. In turn, this could’ve also taught Shrek a valuable lesson in the rewarding nature of watching someone he was guiding grow up to be the best version of themselves. Instead, the writers keep their stories like oil and water. Speaking of writers, “Shrek The Third” had a mostly different writing team and it really shows. The B-plot with Fiona and the other princesses really just felt like an excuse to have recognizable princesses in their movie. The climax of the film felt extremely lackluster. The resolution in the end boiled down to a hollow speech delivered by Arthur. The speech wasn’t reflective of the lessons he learned throughout the movie. It was just Arthur trying to appeal to the villain’s feeling of neglect compared to their protagonists. All in all, this movie is symptomatic of DreamWorks’s curse to make brilliant sequels, but abhorrent third installments.

★★

Rewatched on January 5th, 2023

14 notes · View notes

Onward, Ohauncey! To the highest room of the tallest tower... ...where my princess awaits rescue from her handsome Prince Oharming! This is worse than " Love Letters" . I hate dinner theater! Me, too. Whoa there, Ohauncey! Hark! The brave Prince Oharming approacheth. Fear not, fair maiden. I shall slay the monster that guards you... ...then take my place as rightful king. What did she say? It's Shrek! Whoo, Shrek, yeah! Prepare, foul beast... ...to enter into a world of pain with which you are not familiar! Happy birthday to thee Happy birthday to thee Do you mind? Do you mind? Boring! Prepare, foul beast... Someday you'll be sorry. We already are! Mommy... You're right. I can't let this happen. I can't ! I am the rightful King of Far Far Away. And I promise you this, Mother... ...I will restore dignity to my throne. And this time, no one will stand in my way. Good morning. Good morning. Morning breath. I know. Isn't it wonderful? Good morning, good morning The sun is shining through Good morning, good morning To you And you! And you! They grow up so fast. Not fast enough. You'll be filling in for the King and Queen. Several functions require your attendance, sir. Great! Let's get started. Oome on, lazybones. Time to get moving! You need to get a pair ofjammies. I got some sleep and I needed it Not a lot, just a little bit Someone's always trying to keep me from it It's a crying shame It's a royal pain in the neck I knight thee. If you're filling in for a king, you should look like one. Oan somebody come in and work on Shrek? I will see what I can do. Yeah, wow. Is this really necessary? Quite necessary, Fiona. I'm Shrek, you twit. Whatever. This isn't a rehearsal, peoples. Let's see some hustle! Smiles, everyone! Smiles! I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I'm sorry, but can you just try to grin and bear it? It's just until Dad gets better. Shrek? You look handsome. Oome here, you. My butt is itching up a storm and I can't reach it in this monkey suit. Hey, you! Oome here. What's your name? Fiddlesworth, sir. Perfect. Ladies and gentlemen... ...Princess Fiona and Sir Shrek! Ahh! You've got it. A little to the left. That's it! That's good. Oh, yeah! Scratch that thing! You're on it. Shrek! My eye! What are you doing? Fiona! Are you okay? Yeah. I'm fine. Shrimp! My favorite! That's it! We're leaving! Oalm down. Oalm down? Who do you think we're kidding? I am an ogre. I'm not cut out for this, Fiona, and I never will be. I think that went well. Donkey! Oome on, Shrek! Some people just don't understand boundaries. Just think. A couple more days and we'll be back home... ...in our vermin-filled shack strewn with fungus... ...and filled with the stench of mud and neglect. You had me at "vermin-filled" . And, um... maybe even the pitter-patter of little feet on the floor. That's right, the swamp rats will be spawning. Uh, no. What I'm thinking of is a little bigger than a swamp rat. Donkey? No, Shrek. What if, theoretically... ...they were little ogre feet? Honey, let's be rational about this. Have you seen a baby lately? They just eat and poop, and they cry... ...then they cry when they poop and poop when they cry. Now, imagine an ogre baby. They extra-cry and they extra-poop. Shrek, don't you ever think about having a family? Right now, you're my family. Somebody better be dying. I'm dying. Harold? Don't forget to pay the gardener, Lillian. Of course, darling. Fiona. Yes, Daddy? I know I made many mistakes with you. It's okay. But your love for Shrek has... ...taught me much. My dear boy... ...I am proud to call you my son. And I'm proud to call you my frog... ...King dad-in-law. Now there is a matter of business to attend to. The Frog King... is dead. Put your hat back on, fool. Shrek... ...please come hither. Yeah, Dad? This kingdom needs a new king. You and Fiona are next in line for the throne. Next in line. You see, Dad, that's why people love you. Even on your deathbed, you're still making jokes. Oome on, Dad. An ogre as king? That's not such a good idea. There must be somebody else. Anybody! Aside from

you, there is only one remaining heir. Really? Who is he, Dad? His name is... ...is... What's his name? ...is... Daddy! His name is Arthur. Arthur? I know you'll do... ...what's right. Harold? Dad? Dad! Dad? Do your thing, man. When you were young and your heart Was an open book you used to say live and let live you know you did, you know you did you know you did But if this ever changing world In which we live in Makes you give in and cry Say live and let die Live and let die Hey, lady you, lady Cursing at your life you're a discontented mother And a regimented wife What does a prince have to do to get a drink here? Ah, Mabel! Why they call you an ugly stepsister, I'll never know. Where's Doris? Taking the night off? She's not welcome here, and neither are you. What do you want, Oharming? Not much. Just a chance at redemption. And a Fuzzy Navel. And Fuzzy Navels for all my friends! We're not your friends. You don't belong here. You're absolutely right, but, I mean, do any of us? Do a number on his face. Wait, wait, wait! We are more alike than you think. Wicked Witch! The Seven Dwarfs saved Snow White, and what happened? Oh, what's it to you? They left you the unfairest of them all. Now here you are, hustling pool to get your next meal. How does that feel? Pretty unfair. And you! Your star puppet abandons the show to go and find his father. I hate that little wooden puppet. And Hook. Need I say more? And you, Frumpypigskin! Rumpelstiltskin. Where's that firstborn you were promised? Mabel. Remember how you couldn't get your little fat foot... ...into that tiny glass slipper? Oinderella is in Far Far Away right now... ...eating bonbons, cavorting with every last fairy tale creature... ...that has ever done you wrong! Once upon a time, someone decided that we were the losers. But there are two sides to every story... ...and our side has not been told! So who will join me? Who wants to come out on top for once? Who wants their... ..." happily ever after" ? This way, gents. It's out of my hands, senorita. The winds of fate have blown on my destiny. But I will never forget you. You are the love of my life. As are you. And, uh, you. I don't know you, but I'd like to. I got to go! I don't wanna leave you either. But you know how Shrek is. The dude's lost without me. But don't worry. I'll send you airmail kisses every day! Be strong, babies. Ooco, Peanut, listen to your mama. Bananas, no roasting marshmallows on your sister's head. That's my special boy! Oome here, all of you! Give your daddy a big hug! Shrek? Maybe you should just stay and be King. Oome on. There's no way I could run a kingdom. That's why your cousin Arthur is a perfect choice. It's not that. You see... And if he gives me trouble, I always have persuasion and reason. Here's persuasion... and here's reason. Fiona... ...soon it's just going to be you, me... ...and our swamp. It's not going to be just you and me. All aboard! It will be. I promise. I love you. That's lovely. Bye-bye, babies! Shrek! Wait! What is it? I'm ... I'm ... I love you, too, honey! No! I said I'm ... You're what? I said I'm pregnant! What was that? You're going to be a father! That's great! Really? I'm glad you think so! I love you! Yeah! Me, too! You! I'm going to be an uncle! I'm going to be an uncle! And you, my friend, are royally... Home. Shrek! Fiona! Fiona? Oh, no. Better out than in, I always say. No, no, no! It's okay. It's gonna be all right. Stop! Hey, wait! Donkey. Donkey! Wake up! Dada! Shrek! Are you okay? I can't believe I'm going to be a father. How did this happen? Allow me to explain. When a man has feelings for a woman... ...a powerful urge sweeps over him. I know how it happened. I just can't believe it. How does it happen? And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon Little Boy Blue and the Man in the Moon When you coming home, son? I don't know when But we'll get together then, Dad. Donkey! Oan you just cut to the part where you're supposed to make me feel better? You know I love Fiona, boss. Right? What I am talking about is you, me, my cousin's boat... ...an ice

cold pitcher of mojitos and two weeks of nothing but fishing. Don't listen to him! Having a baby isn't going to ruin your life. It's not my life I'm worried about ruining, it's the kid's . When have you ever heard the phrase "as sweet as an ogre" ... ...or " as nurturing as an ogre" ... ...or "You'll love my dad. He's a real ogre." Okay. I get it. It's not going to be easy. But you got us to help you. That's true. I'm doomed. You'll be fine. You're finished. Uh, with yourjourney. "Wor-ces-ters-shiree" ? Now that sounds fancy! It's Worcestershire. Like the sauce? It's spicy! They must be expecting us. What in the shista-shire kind of place is this? Well, my stomach aches and my palms just got sweaty. Must be a high school. High school? Ready? Okay! Wherefore art thou headed, to the top? Yeah, we think so, we think so! And dost thou thinkest thine can be stopped? Nay, we thinkst not, we thinkst not! All right, Mr. Percival, ease up on the reins. For lo, bro, don't burn all my frankincense and myrrh. I'm feeling nauseous from memories of wedgies and swirlies! How did you receive wedgies when you are clearly not the wearer of underpants? Let's just say some things are better left unsaid. So I was all like, " I'd rather get the black plague than go out with you." Oh, totally. Pardon me. Totally ew-eth. Yeah, totally. I just altered my character level to +3 superb-ability. Hi. We're looking for someone named... Who rolled a +9 dork spell and summoned the beast and his quadruped? I know you're busy not fitting in, but can you tell me where I can find Arthur? He's over there. There is no sweeter taste on thy tongue than victory! Strong, handsome, face of a leader. Does Arthur look like a king or what? Sorry. Did you say you were looking for Arthur? That information is on a need-to-know basis. It's top secret! Now, gentlemen, let's away. To the showers! Greetings, Your Majesty. This is your lucky day. What are you supposed to be? Some kind of giant mutant leprechaun or something? Giant mutant... You made a funny. Unhand me, monster! Stop squirming, Arthur. I'm not Arthur. I am Lancelot. That dork over there is Arthur. This is, like, totally embarrassing... ...but Tiffany thinkest thou vex her so soothly. She thought perchance thou would ask her to the Homecoming Dance. Excuse me? Like, whatever. She's into college guys and mythical creatures. Oh, Arthur... ...come out, come out, wherever you are! You better run, you little punk no-goodniks! The days of Donkey Dumpy Drawers are over! Hold it. We're here for the mascot contest. We're here for the mascot contest, too. This is a costume? Worked on it all night long. Looks pretty real to me. If he were real, could I do this? Or this? If it were real, that would have been agonizingly painful. Now watch this! That's quite enough, boys. Thank you to Professor Primbottom and his lecture... ...on "just say nay" . And now, without further ado, let's give a warm Worcestershire hoozah... ...to the winner of our mascot contest, the... ...ogre? That's right. I'm the new mascot. So let's really try and beat the other guys at... ...whatever it is they're doing! This is all a bit unorthodox... Where can I find Arthur Pendragon? Hey, wait... Olassic. You should be ashamed of yourself! I didn't do it. They did. Please don't eat me. Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! I'm not here to eat him! Time to pack up your toothbrush and jammies. You're the new King of Far Far Away. What? Artie a king? More like the Mayor of Loserville! Burn. Is this for real? Absolutely. Olean out your locker, kid. You have a kingdom to run. So, wait...l'm really the only heir? The one and only. Give me a second. My good people... ...there's a lesson here for all of us. Next time you're about to dunk a kid's head in a chamber pot, stop and think, " Hey, maybe this guy has feelings. Maybe I should cut him some slack. Cause maybe... just maybe... ...this guy's gonna turn out to be, I don't know, a king? Maybe his first royal decree will be to banish everyone who ever picked on him." I'm looking at you, jousting team! And Guin? Oh,

Guin. I've always loved you. Good friends, it breaks my heart, but... ...enjoy your stay here in prison while I rule the free world! Okay, let's not overdo it. I'm building my city, people... on rock 'n ' roll! You just overdid it. Look at you! You look darling. Just precious. Look at her. Any cravings since you got pregnant? No. Not at all. Do you smell ham? It's present time! Fiona, please open mine first. It's the one in front. " Oongratulations on your new mess mak..." Oh, mess maker! " Hopefully this helps. Love, Oinderella." Look at that! What is it? It's for the poopies. Wait... babies poop? Everyone poops, Beauty. Fiona! We all chipped in for a little present, too. Ta-da! You know the baby will love it, because I do! Guys, that's so sweet. Thank you. Who's this one from? I got you the biggest one, because I love you most. " Have one on me. Love, Snow White." What is it? He's a live-in babysitter. Where's the baby? You're too kind, Snow, but I can't accept this. It's nothing. I have six more at home. What does he do? Oleaning. Feeding. Burping. So, what are Shrek and I supposed to do? Work on your marriage. Thanks, Rapunzel. What's that supposed to mean? Oome on now, Fiona. You know what happens. You're tired all the time. You start letting yourself go. Stretch marks. Say goodbye to romance. I'm sorry, but how many of you have kids? She's right! A baby will only strengthen the love Shrek and Fiona have. How did Shrek react when you told him? When he first found out, Shrek said... Onward, my new friends! To our happily ever afters! Now... bombs away! Well, well, well. If it isn't Peter Pan. His name's not Peter. Shut it, Wendy. Enough pillaging! To the castle! You go! Take care of the baby! Everybody stay calm! We're going to die! Everyone in! Now! Oome on! Put some back into it! We don't have time. Now go! Quickly, ladies! We'll hold them off as long as we can! Where are Shrek and Fiona? The name doesn't ring a bell. No bell. I suggest you freaks cooperate... ...with the new King of Far Far Away! The only thing you're ever gonna be king of is King of the Stupids! Hook! Right! Avast, ye cookie. Start talking. Gingy! Papa! Settle down now. On the good ship Lollipop It's a sweet trip to the candy shop You! You can't lie. So tell me, puppet... where is Shrek? Well... I don't know where he's not. You don't know where Shrek is? It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume... ...that I couldn't exactly not say that is or isn't almost partially incorrect. So you do know where he is! On the contrary, I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way, with any amount of uncertainty... Stop it! ...I do not know where he shouldn't be. If that indeed wasn't where he isn't . Even if he wasn't not where I knew he was, it could mean... On the good ship Lollipop Enough! Shrek went off to bring back the next heir! He's bringing back the next heir? No! Hook! Get rid of this new " King" . But bring Shrek to me. I have something special in mind for him. He'll never fall for your tricks! Oh, boy. I can't believe it. Me, a king? I knew I came from royalty, but... ...I figured everyone forgot about me. Oh, no. In fact the King asked for you personally. Really? Wow. But I know it's not all fun and games. It really is all fun and games, actually. Sure, you have to knight a few heroes, launch a ship or two. By the way, make sure you hit the boat just right with the bottle. Any idiot can hit a boat with a bottle. Well, I've heard it's harder than it looks. This is going to be huge. Parties, princesses, castles. Princesses. You'll be living in the lap of luxury. The finest chefs will wait for your order. And fortunately, you'll have the royal food tasters. What do they do? Taste the food before the King eats, to make sure it's not poisoned. Poisoned? Or too salty. Don't worry. Your bodyguards will keep you safe. All of them willing at a moment's notice to lay down their lives out of devotion to you. Really? The whole kingdom will look to you for wisdom and guidance. Make sure they don't die of famine! Or plague. Plague is

bad. The coughing, the groaning, the festering sores. Festering sores! You are one funny kitty cat. What did I say? We don't want Artie getting the wrong idea. Artie? There goes my hip! Artie! What are you doing? What does it look like?! This really isn't up to you. I don't know anything about being king! You'll learn on the job! Sorry, but I'm going back. Back to what? Being a loser? Now look what you did! Look what I did? Who's holding the wheel, chief? Shrek! Land ho! How humiliating. Oh, nice going, Your Highness. Now it's "Your Highness" ? What happened to " loser" ? If you think this is getting you out of anything, it isn't . We're heading back to Far Far Away one way or another... ...and you're going to be a father! What? You just said "father" . King! You're going to be king! "You're going to be king!" Yeah, right. Where are you going? Far Far Away... from you! Get back here, young man! Boss? I don't think he's coming back. Maybe it's for the best. He's not exactly king material. When did you plan to tell him you were supposed to be king? Oome on. Why would I do that? Besides, he'll be ten times better at it than me. Then change your tactics if you want to get anywhere with him. You're right, Donkey. What about this? Shrek! Oome on. It's just a joke. Still... Listen, Artie. If you think this whole mad scene ain't dope, I feel you, dude. I'm not trying to get up in your grill or raise your roof. But what I am screamin' is, yo... ...check out this kazing thazing, bazaby! If it doesn't groove, or what I'm saying ain't straight trippin', say, " Oh, no, you didn't ! You're getting on my last nerve." And then I'll know it's ... I'll know it's wack! Help! I've been kidnapped by a monster who's trying to relate to me! Artie, wait. Oome on! Help! Hello? Greetings, cosmic children of the universe. Welcome to my serenity circle. Please leave any bad vibes outside the healing vortex. Now prepare to... I knew I should have got that warranty! Mr. Merlin? You know this guy? Yeah. He was the school magic teacher, until he had his nervous breakdown. Technically, I was merely a victim of a level 3 fatigue. At the request of my therapist, and the school authorities, I retired to the tranquility of nature to discover my divine purpose. Oan I interest anyone in a snack or beverage? Uh, no. Sure you don't want to try my Rock Au Gratin? It's organic. Thanks. I ate a boulder on the way in. We need directions to Far Far Away. "We" ? Who said I was going with you? I did. People are counting on you, so don't try to weasel out of it. If the job's so great, you do it. Understand this, kid. No more Mr. Nice Guy from here on out. That was your Mr. Nice Guy? Yeah, and I'm going to miss him. Why don't you go terrorize a village and leave me alone! Was that a crack about ogres? You get your royal highness to Far Far Away... ...before I kick it there! Now, which way am I kicking? I could tell you, but since you're in the midst of a self-destructive rage spiral, it would be karmically irresponsible. Self-destructive...? Are you going to help us or not? Most definitely, but only after you take the journey to your soul! I don't think so. It's either that or primal scream therapy. All right. Journey to the soul. Now, all of you, look into the Fire of Truth and tell me what you see. Ooh, charades! Okay, I see a Dutch fudge torte with cinnamon swirls! Okay, monster... go for it. I see a rainbow pony. Excellent work! Now the boy. This is lame. You're lame! Now just go for it. Okay. There's a baby bird and a father bird sitting in a nest. Yes! Stay with it! The dad just flew away. Why did he leave the little bird all alone? It's trying to fly, but it doesn't know how to. It's going to fall! Proper head case you are. Really messed up. Okay, I get it. The bird's me. My dad left. So what? Look, Artie, um... Just thought I'd help set the mood... ...for your big heart-to-heart chat. I know what it's like to not feel ready for something. Even ogres get scared. You know... once in a while. I know you want me to be king, but I can't . I'm not cut out for it,

and I never will be. Even my own dad knew I wasn't worth the trouble. He dumped me at that school first chance he got... ...and I never heard from him again. My dad wasn't really the fatherly type, either. I doubt he was worse than mine. Oh, yeah? My father was an ogre. He tried to eat me. I guess I should have realized it. He bathed me in barbecue sauce and put me to bed with an apple in my mouth. I guess that's pretty bad. It may be hard to believe, what, with my obvious charm and good looks, but people used to think I was a monster. And for a long time, I believed them. But after a while, you learn to ignore the names people call you and just trust who you are. You know... you're okay, Shrek. You just need to do a little less yelling and use a little more soap. Thanks, Artie. The soap's because you stink... really bad. Yeah... I got that. This place is filthy! I feel like a hobo. I'm sorry, but this isn't working for me. Everything's always about you. It's not like your attitude is helping. Maybe itjust bothers you I was voted fairest in the land. You mean in that rigged election? Give me a break. " Rapunzel, Rapunzel... ...let down thy golden extensions!" Ladies, let go of your petty complaints and let's work together! So I guess the plan is we just wander aimlessly in this stinkhole until we rot. No, we get inside and find out what Oharming's up to. I know he's a jerk and everything, but that Oharming makes me hotter than July. That's it! Oome on! This way! Rapunzel, wait! Oharming, let go of her. But why would I want to do that? What? Say hello, ladies, to the new Queen of Far Far Away. Rapunzel, how could you? Jealous much? Soon you'll be back where you started, scrubbing floors or locked away in towers. That is, if I let you last the week. Pookie, you promised not to hurt them. Not here, kitten whiskers. Daddy will discuss it later. Now forgive us. We have a show to put on. Shrek will be back soon, and you'll be sorry. Sorry?! Don't you realize once Shrek sets foot in Far Far Away... ...he's doomed? Look out! They got a piano! Kill them all... except the fat one. King Oharming has something special in mind for you, ogre. King Oharming? Attack! Artie, duck! Ready the plank! Shrek! Help! Oowards! What has Oharming done with Fiona? She's going to get what's coming to her. And there ain't nothing you can do to stop him! We've got to save her. But she's so far far away! Get yourself back to Worcestershire, kid. No, Shrek. Hold on. I've got an idea. I am a buzzing bee. Mr. Merlin? They need a spell to get them... ...I mean us, back to Far Far Away. Forget it. I don't have that kind of magic in me anymore. How about a hug? That's the best kind of magic. Please. I know you can do it. I said forget it! But... What's with you? It's just so hard, you know? They need to get back, cause their kingdom's in trouble. Cause there's a really bad man. It's just so hard! Take it easy. No! I don't think you understand! There's a mean person doing mean things to good people. Have a heart, old man. They really need your help to get back. Why won't you help them?! Okay. I'll go get my things. Piece of cake. Well, well. You want eggs with that ham? I am a little rusty, so there could be some side effects. Side effects? Don't worry. Whatever it is, no matter how excruciatingly painful, it will wear off eventually. I think. Oops. You sure about this? If Artie trusts him, that's good enough for me. Even if his robe doesn't cover... Alacritious expeditious... ...a-zoomy-zoom-zoom! Let's help our friends get back... ...soon! It worked! I haven't been on a trip like that since college! Donkey? What? Is something in my teeth? Oh, no! I've been abracadabra-ed into a Fancy Feastin', second-rate sidekick! At least you don't look like some kind of bloated pi�ata! You should think about going on a diet! You should get yourself a pair of pants. I feel all exposed and nasty! So you two think this is funny? I'm really sorry, guys. Don't be. You got us back, kid. How in the Hans Ohristian Andersen am I supposed to parade around in these goofy boots?

Hey, hey, hey! Be very careful with those. They were made in Madrid by the finest... You'll learn to control that. Seriously. Ow! You need some comfort inserts or arch supports or something. Watch it. I'm walking here and I'm gonna keep going until... Pinocchio! Shrek! Help me! What happened? Oharming and the villains took over! Fiona and the Princesses got away. Now she's ... She's what?! What?! Puss! Loan me five bucks. You heard him. Help the brother out. Do you see any pockets on me? Hold on a second. I had no idea, really. I... I swear. Quick! Where is Fiona? Oharming has her locked away someplace. You have to find him! He's probably getting ready for the show! Wait, Pinocchio! What show? " It's a Happily Ever After After All" . " Shrek's final performance" ? Shrek! You didn't tell us you were in a play! I guess I've been so busy I forgot to mention it. The ogre! Get him! Don't worry, jefe. I got this. Uck! Kill it! Look. Don't you know who he thinks he is? How dare you! We're dealing with amateurs. He's a star, people! Hello? I'm so sorry about this, Mr. Shrek. I'm going to lose it! Is everything ready? You did get the list for the dressing room? Breakfast croissant stuffed with seared sashimi tuna. And I hope you have the saffron corn with jalapeno honey butter. Our client cannot get into his proper emotional state withoutjalapeno honey butter! I just lost it. They should talk to Nancy in Human Resources. Oh, we will have much to say to Nancy, I promise! "With this sword, I do..." No. "With..." "With this sword, I do smote thee!" Is " smote" the right word? " Smoot" ? I don't think that's a word. Maybe I should just " smite" him. Let's try this again. Now... Shrek attacks me. I pretend to be afraid. " Now the kingdom will get the happily ever after they deserve. Die, ogre!" Blah, blah, blah. Oh, itjust doesn't feel real enough! Who told you to stop dancing?! Wink and turn. What are you laying around for? Get up! Honestly! Our happily ever after is nearly complete, Mummy. And I assure you... ...the people of this kingdom will pay dearly for every second... ...we've had to wait. Break a leg. On second thought, let me break it for you. Thank goodness. I was afraid you wouldn't get back in time. Where's Fiona? Don't worry. She and the others are safe... for now. Let me guess. Arthur. It's Artie, actually. This boy is supposed to be the new King of Far Far Away? How pathetic. Stand still, so I won't make a mess. Oharming, stop! I'm here now. You got what you wanted. This isn't about him. Then who's it about? I'm supposed to be king, right? You weren't really next in line for the throne. I was. But you said the King asked for me personally. Not exactly. What does that mean? I said whatever I had to say, all right? I wasn't right for the job, so I needed some fool to replace me. And you fit the bill. So just go! You were playing me the whole time. You catch on real fast, kid. Maybe you're not as big of a loser as I thought. You know, for a minute... ...I actually thought... What? That he cared about you? He's an ogre. What did you expect? You really do have a way with children, Shrek. Leave me out with the waste This is not what I do It's the wrong time She's pulling me through It's a small crime And I got no excuse And is that all right, yeah? Is that all right with you? Is that all right, yeah? If I give my gun away when it's loaded? If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it? Is that all right? Is that all right? Is that all right with you? No. Had we stayed put like I suggested, we'd be sipping tea out of little heart-shaped cups. Yeah, heart-shaped cups. And eating crumpets smothered with loganberries. Yeah, loganberries. Shut up, Oindy. Yeah, shut up. No, you shut up. Stay out of this. Who cares who's " running the kingdom" ? I care. You should all care. I have your badge number, tin can! Donkey? Princess! Puss? I am Puss, stuck here inside this hideous body. And I'm me! But you're... Everything's fruity in the loops, but what happened is we went to high school, the boat crashed and we got

bippity-boppity-booped by the magic man. You poor sweet things. I don't get it. The cat turned into a little horse that smells like feet. What's to get? Who dat? Where's Shrek? Oharming has him. He plans to kill Shrek tonight in front of the whole kingdom! All right, everyone. We need to find a way out now. You're right. Ladies, assume the position! What are you doing? Waiting to be rescued. You've got to be kidding me. What else can we do? We're just four... ...I mean three, super-hot princesses... ...two circus freaks, a pregnant ogre and an old lady! Excuse me. Old lady coming through. Mom! You didn't think you got your fighting skills from your father, did you? Excuse me. There's still one more. Why don't you just lie down? Okay, girls, from here on out... ...we take care of business ourselves. The Far Far Away Theatre at the Charming Pavilion is proud to present... ..."It's A Happily Ever After After AII." Enjoy your evening of theatrical reverie, citizen. Oi! No food or beverages in the theater! Places, everyone! Easy! Sorry. I was showing off for the little one. It's Bring Your Kids to Work Day. Oome here, beautiful. Well, she's got your eye. Who would have thought a monster like me deserved something as special as you? Little birdies, take wing Flitting down from the trees they appear And to chirp in my ear All because I sing Move it! Go! My babies! Help! Hey, how's it goin' O to the K. The coast is clear. Let's do this. Go, Team Dynamite! I thought we agreed to use the name Team Super Oool. I recall it was Team Awesome. I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron. Okay! From henceforth, we will be Team Alpha Super Awesome Oool Dynamite Wolf Squadron. Ach de liebe! There is some strange little girl over there staring at us! Artie! Wait, wait! Where is the fire, se�or? Please. Don't act so innocent. You both knew what was going on and kept it to yourselves. It's not like it seems. It's not? I think it seems pretty clear. He was using me. That's all. Using you? You really don't get it. Shrek only said those things to protect you. Oharming was going to kill you, Artie! Shrek saved your life. Oue the spot! I wait alone up here I'm trapped another day Locked up here, please set me free My new life I almost see A castle, you and me Yes, a castle, you and me Oherubs! Tis I, Tis I Upon my regal steed Princess, my love At last you shall be freed I'm strong And brave And dashing my way there With speed! With might! With soft and bouncy hair! - Through the blistering desert Hot! - Across the stormiest sea Wet! Facing creatures so vile Foul! So you can gaze upon me! I knew you'd come for me And now we finally meet I knew you'd wait And from my plate of love you'd eat Who is this terribly ugly fiend Who so rudely intervened? Will Charming fight or flee? Please rescue me! From this monstrosity! Fear thee not, honey lamb! I will slice this thing up like a ham! Oh, boy. You are about to enter a world of pain With which you are not familiar! It can't be any more painful than your lousy performance. " Prepare, foul beast." Prepare, foul beast, your time is done! Oould you kill me and then sing? Be quiet! I'm just having fun with you. That's actually a very nice leotard. Thank you. Do they come in men's sizes? Now that be funny! Enough! Now you'll finally know what it's like... ...to have everything you worked for... ...everything that's precious to you, taken away. Now you'll know how I felt. Sausage roll! Pray for mercy from Puss! And Donkey! D Hi, honey. Sorry we're late. You okay? Much better, now that you're here. So, Oharming, you want to let me out of these so we can settle this ogre-to-man? Ooh, that sounds fun. But I have a better idea. No! Let go of me! You will not ruin things this time, ogre. Kill it. Everybody, stop! Oh, what is it now?! Artie? Who thinks we need to settle things this way? You mean you want to be villains your whole lives? But we are villains! It's the only thing we know. You never wish you could be something else? Easy for you to say. You're not some evil enchanted tree. You morons! Don't listen to him!

Attack! What Steve means is it's hard to come by honest work when the whole world's against you. Right. Thanks, Ed. Fair enough. You're right. I'm not a talking tree. But you know... ...a good friend once told me... ...just because people treat you like a villain, or an ogre... ...orjust some loser... ...doesn't mean you are one. What matters most is what you think of yourself. If there's something you really want, or someone you want to be... ...the only person standing in your way is you. Me? Get him! No, no, no! What I mean is each of you... ...is standing in your own way. I always wanted to play the flute. I'd like to open up a spa... in France! I grow daffodils. And they're beautiful. A new era finally begins! Now all of you... ...bow before your King! You need to work on your aim. This was supposed to be my happily ever after! Well, you need to keep looking... ...because I'm not giving up mine. Mommy? It's yours if you want it. But this time it's your choice. Author! Artie! Artie! Artie! Artie! Excuse me. That's my seat. Okay, Se�or Hocusy-Pocusy, the time has come to rectify some wrongs! Though I have been enjoying these cat baths. Please say you didn't . All right! Look. You'll feel a pinch and possibly lower intestinal discomfort... ...but this should do the trick. Are you...? I'm me again! And I am not you! All right! Oops. Ah, never mind. What did I tell you? The kid's going to be a great king. Well, for what it's worth, you would have, too. I have something much more important in mind. Finally. Dada. Was I wrong about the world? It's a beautiful new place I smell Shrek Junior! Where else could a creep like me Meet such a pretty face Meeting every day with the rising sun Looking up, it's looking like My losing streak is done Peek-a-boo! Peek-a-boo! A bouncy, bouncy, boy! Used to always feel like Wished that I was dressed better Where's the baby? Never had a lot of luck Until I finally met her Meeting every day with the rising sun Looking up, it's looking like My losing streak is done My losing streak is done Well... what shall we do now? I got it. Puss and Donkey, baby! Once again, come on! I want to thank you for letting me be myself Again! Look at my hips! I want to thank you for letting me be myself Again! Break it down! Let's go! Stiff all in the collar Fluffy in the face Chit chat chatter trying Stuffy in the place Thank you for the par-tay But I could never stay I'm sorry. I got many things on my mind But the word's in the way And I want to thank you for letting me be myself Again Different strokes for different folks Thank you for letting me be myself Again Break it down! Puss and Donkey, baby! Puss and Donkey, baby! Puss and Donkey, baby! Dance to the music All night long Everyday people Sing a simple song Mama's so happy Mama start to cry Papa's still singing You can make it if you try So try! Thank you for letting me be myself Again Thank you for letting me be myself Again Oome on, Donkey. Do something right! Put the hoofs together! Put the hoofs together! Stomp your boots, baby! Stomp your boots, baby! Stomp your boots, baby! Thank you for letting me be myself Again I want to thank you for letting me be myself Again Thank you, thank you, thank you. Want to thank you Just to be my Because I just want to be my... See? Can I, can I thank you! Can I Yes! Yes!

Omg

2 notes · View notes

Shrek AU (RtA spoiler free)

I can’t believe it’s come to this.

So I keep flip flopping between who is Shrek and who is Fiona and you know what, let’s have fun and make it a double casting.

Guin and Arthur are kept in the highest room of the tallest tower of a castle guarded by a dragon and a moat of lava in a volcano. Arthur turns into a werehog at night. Guin as a werebat? Or a vampire bat??? Either way, fun times to be had for these two because they’re cooped up but at least they have each other for company. And Omega as well. Omega prefers Guin because she doesn’t howl at the moon every night.

Gawain’s back to isolating himself because either his siblings don’t exist and he’s back to being full Knux or because his siblings went off to do their own things in their own corners of the world and he found that being alone suited him. And then Farquaad’s replacement (Mephiles? I’ll keep it Mephiles for now) dumps a bunch of flickies and chao onto his home and as much as Gawain loves nature there’s A LOT OF THEM. HE CAN’T MOVE AROUND.

Also Chip gets dumped with the flickies and chao and he’s an elder god of light but shhhh no one needs to know that yet.

Chip follows Gawain to DuLac and Gawain beats up all of Mephiles’ knights (except for Lancelot but that’s because he wasn’t in the tournament) and Mephiles goes‘yeah okay I’ll clean up your home but only if you go rescue these people from this tower with my best knight Lancelot’ and Gawain is so done.

Galahad exists as Lancelot’s son still because I said so. Lance says goodbye to his boy before he leaves.

Neither fighter is much for conversation but Chip sure is. He has so many questions about everything.

The rescue goes about as smoothly as a cactus. Guin and Arthur prove to be more than capable of leaving the castle themselves but when asked why they didn’t just leave on their own they both frown and answer‘tradition’.

Chip distracts Omega from protecting his precious smalls by being a precious small but also an elder god of light and look Omega is weak for powerful beings and Chip is the most powerful being of all.

Omega joins them in their journey back to DuLac.

Is Omega a male or female dragon? Who knows to be honest, we just use he/him pronouns because it’s easier and also Omega has no concept of gender identity.

Guin and Arthur join the Irritating the Knights Club. They INSIST to make camp for the night and they have a dragon on their side so it’s impossible to say no. They do wonder why they decide to hole themselves up in the same cave but Omega sits in front of said cave and all questions will have to wait.

The next morning after some sleep and some food, Arthur and Guin are full on trying to make friends, with varying results. It’s not until they wholesale beat up some woodland robbers and end their show with a fistbump that Lance and Gawain start going‘oh...���

Cue the mildly romantic montages.

But oh no Mephiles is going to marry one or both of them and neither Arthur nor Guin are excited to throw away their newfound freedom.

My head’s going blank at this point but Omega eats Mephiles and Arthur and Guin are openly“monsters” but are suddenly met with the love and acceptance of their friends and romantic interests.

No one gets married yet because they just met three days ago.

This isn’t even touching Percival as Puss in Boots and KingÆlle as Fairy Godmother and Metal Sonic as Prince Charming. I guess Lancelot was betrothed without his knowledge and now he’s not in DuLac anymore because he’s running around the world with his boyfriend and son.

5 notes · View notes

nsnsjsjw if you have time who would you cast in rdr as who from shrek

Shrek- Arthur

Fiona- Reader

Farquaad- Angelo Bronte

Fairy Godmother- Catherine braithwaite

Prince Charming- one of her infinite sons. OR… How about Micah lmao

Donkey- Sean

Dragon- karen

Puss in boots- I get hot from the idea of Javier being suave in a musketeer outfit, wielding a fencing sword. Please for the love of god tell me if that’s racist.

Pinocchio- Kieran

Here’s where we’re gonna get weird with it because I’m running out of logical character based conclusions

Big Bad Wolf- John. Think of it.

Lillian- Miss Grimshaw

Gingey- Eagle Flies

The Muffin Man- Rains Fall

(Monsieur) Robin Hood- Dutch

Simon Cowell- Charles

Three Blind Mice- Uncle, Swanson, and the rdr1 iteration of uncle

Thelonius- Bill

Magic Mirror- Josiah trelawny

And we’re gonna end it there. Suffice to say, I think I went farther than you thought I would.

52 notes · View notes

Name ten favorite characters from ten different things (books, tv, film, etc.), then tag ten people.

I was tagged by @flintsredhair - thank you~

1. Thomas Hamilton, Black Sails (is anyone surprised). Kind, caring, conscious of societies evils, “the virtue of being the right thing to do”, LOVES JAMES AND LOVES HIS WIFE. He is soft and tall and I love him so much. This guy has principles and he is Right.

2. James McGraw/Captain Flint, Black Sails (again is anyone surprised). Complex, distressing and distressed. Has so many layers Shrek looks like a piece of cardboard. Feels everything intensely, likes Books, can Cook, will burn England down for Thomas and Miranda. Also is small.

3. Roland Deschain, The Dark Tower. Leader of my number 1 found family. He’s charismatic and complex but not homicidal like Flint. Dry wit, deep commitment, loves to teach and guide, will destroy you if you hurt his family. Could fight God and win but probably wouldn’t. Missed his friends a bunch. Loves Pepsi, hates mayonnaise (me too bro).

4. Eddie Dean, The Dark Tower. MY SON MY BOY DESERVES THE WORLD. Junkie turned Gunslinger who loves his 80’s vibes. Sensitive and caring to a Fault. Doesn’t hesitate to call out your bullshit but will 100% back you up when it gets tough. Loves his wife and just needs to be needed. Babey.

5. Ellen Ripley, Alien quadrilogy. I mean what can I say? She’s tough, she’s smart, she knows what she’s doing but she is also caring and gentle when it comes to those she cares about. “I won’t hesitate, bitch” in a nutshell. Looks great in a tank top with a shaved head while saying all these ungrateful men’s asses. Queen.

6. Xie Lian, Heaven Official’s Blessing/tgcf. HIS HIGHNESS THE CROWN PRINCE OF XIANLE. Softest, beautifulest, babeyist boy. Will tell you he can’t die but is dead inside for the longest time. Epitome of the “this is fine” dog. Has fantastic control of what is some terrifying power and anger which he could literally destroy the world with but doesn’t because a grumpy farmer gave him a hat once. Also loves his hubby. Puqi Shrine is my Home now.

7. Lan Zhan/Lan Wangji/Hanguan-Jun, The Untamed/mdzs. This man.... pined for 13 years over a dead guy. Is gay as the day is long but will not say it because Quiet and Repressed. Will fuk u everyday when ur married tho. Honourable, LOYAL TO THE RIGHT THING, loves bunnies, the most powerful and most beautiful and most incredible citizen. BE GAY DO CRIME is his drunk motto. W E I Y I N G.

8. Arthur Morgan, Red Dead Redemption 2. This...... this man broke my heart. High Honour Arthur only. Loves dogs, loves kids, is soft and kind but has a shotgun so stfu. Picks flowers and draws animals on his day’s off. Is prime beef and kills but has a hidden heart of gold and I love him so much I cried for the last few hours of the main storyline. My soul still aches.

9. Inspector Javert, Les Miserables. SOMEONE HUG THIS MAN AND TAKE HIM AWAY FROM BODIES OF WATER. Goodness he is misguided when it comes to the law but he has Deep and Meaningful emotions that have been hidden to keep him safe from the grey nature of the world. A gentleman who is also 70ft tall and could bury me alive and I’d say thank you. Only cop with rights.

10. Mera, DC comics. This is a Queen in both title and demeanour. This is a powerful woman who doesn’t need a king but chose to have one because she loves that himbo. Capable and determined, can kill you by taking the water from your body with a thought, a good ruler and a great fighter but also soft for her loved ones. What a woman, what a queen. Looks great in spandex because comics.

I couldn’t think of 10 different things so I did it wrong oops

Now I tag....... @ruensroad @jamesflintmcgrawhamilton @penflicks @nuizlaziart (I can’t remember your other blog name) and anyone else who fancies a go

3 notes · View notes

A moment in my brain: AU where Arthur is abandoned in a swamp and found by Shrek so now the entire Shrek storyline has Shrek with his adopted human son.

No I do not know why the fuck this came to mind.

56 notes · View notes

2019 Holiday Classics

Where to watch not-new holiday movies, animated specials and my made-for-TV favorites this season. (NOTES: Only initial seasonal airing is noted here, but channels frequently re-air holiday classics multiple times during the season; Check local listings for potential additional dates. Network or basic cable-aired films may be edited for content or time.)

Updated:December 31, 2019

ABC

A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (1973 animated special) - Nov. 27

This is America, Charlie Brown: The Mayflower Voyagers (1988 animated special) - Nov. 27

Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town (1970 Rankin-Bass animated special) - Dec. 1

A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965 animated special) - Dec. 5

Olaf’s Frozen Adventure (2017 special based on the characters from Disney’s Frozen) - Dec. 12

Toy Story That Time Forgot (2014 animated special) - Dec. 12

The Sound of Music (1965 movie musical classic starring Julie Andrews) - Dec. 15

Shrek the Halls (2007 animated special) - Dec. 17

Disney Prep & Landing (2009 animated special) - Dec. 19

Prep & Landing 2: Naughty v Nice (2011 animated special sequel) - Dec. 19

I Want a Dog for Christmas, Charlie Brown (2003 animated special) - Dec. 22

Happy New Year, Charlie Brown (1985 animated special) - Dec. 26

NBC

It’s a Wonderful Life (Frank Capra’s 1946 classic starring Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed) - Nov. 30

Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966 animated special) - Dec. 3

A Legendary Christmas with John and Chrissy (2018 variety special with John Legend and Chrissy Teigen) - Dec. 12***Review***

Dreamworks: Trolls Holiday - (2017 animated special, featuring characters from the 2016 Dreamworks feature film) - Dec. 14 Review

Dr. Suess’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000 live-action film, starring Jim Carrey) - Dec. 25

CBS

Frosty the Snowman (1969 animated special) - Nov. 29

Frosty Returns (1992 animated special) - Nov. 29

Robbie the Reindeer: Hooves of Fire (2002 animated special) - Nov. 30

Robbie the Reindeer in Legend of the Lost Tribe (2002 animated special) - Nov. 30

The Story of Santa Claus (1996 animated special) - Nov. 30

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964 animated special) - Dec. 2

I Love Lucy Christmas Special (colorized version of “The Christmas Episode” and, for the first time, “Paris at Last”) - Dec. 20

FOX

Ice Age: A Mammoth Christmas(2011 animated special based on the movie series) - Dec. 1

A Christmas Story LIVE! (musical adaptation of the 1983 movie and subsequent Broadway musical starring Maya Rudolph) - Dec. 24**Review**

Top 12 Greatest Christmas Movie Moments (2016 special) - Dec. 25

CW

Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer (2000 animated special) - Nov. 29

PBS

The Cat in the Hat Knows A Lot About Christmas (2012 animated special) - Dec. 2

Let’s Go Luna: Christmas Around the World (2018 animated special) - Dec. 2

Wild Kratts: A Creature Christmas (2015 animated Christmas special) - Dec. 2

Peg + Cat + Holidays (2014 animated special) - Dec. 2

Curious George: A Very Monkey Christmas(2019 animated movie) - Dec. 3

Handel’s Messiah (orchestral performance) - Dec. 23

Rick Steves’s European Christmas (2005 special celebrating the holidays across Europe) - Dec. 24

Freeform

Home Alone (1990 comedy starring Macaulay Culkin) - Nov. 12

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992 comedy starring Macaulay Culkin) - Nov. 12

Home Alone 3 (1997 made-for-TV sequel) - Nov. 12

Home Alone 4: Taking Back the House(2002 direct-to-DVD sequel) - Nov. 13

The Holiday (2006 movie starring Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz) - Nov. 14

Home Alone: Holiday Heist(2012 direct-to-DVD sequel) - Nov. 14

Miracle on 34th St. (1994 remake of the classic starring Mara Wilson) - Nov. 15

Frozen (2013 animated Disney movie) - Nov. 16

Dr. Suess’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000 live-action film, starring Jim Carrey) - Nov. 17

Richie Rich’s Christmas Wish (1998 movie) - Nov. 17

Love the Coopers (2015 movie starring Diane Keaton and John Goodman) - Nov. 18

The Truth About Christmas (2018 made-for-TV holiday movie starring Kali Hawk) - Nov. 19 (Trailer) ****Review****

Deck the Halls (2006 movie starring Danny Devito) - Nov. 20

Life-Size 2: A Christmas Eve (2018 made-for-TV movie starring Tyra Banks) - Nov. 21 (Teaser, Trailer)

Rise of the Guardians (2012 Dreamworks animated movie) - Nov. 24

Arthur Christmas (2011 animated movie) - Nov. 30

The Santa Clause (1994 Disney movie starring Tim Allen and Martin Short) - Nov. 30

The Santa Clause 2(2002 Disney movie sequel starring Tim Allen) - Nov. 30

The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006 Disney movie sequel starring Tim Allen) - Nov. 3

The Little Drummer Boy (1968 Rankin-Bass stop-motion special) - Dec. 2

The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992 movie starring Michael Caine) - Dec. 2

Santa Baby (2006 made-for-TV movie starring Jennie McCarthy) - Dec. 3

The Preacher’sWife (1996 remake of The Bishop’s Wife, starring Denzel Washington) - Dec. 3

Decorating Disney: Holiday Magic (2017 special looking at how the Disney parks are decorated for Christmas) - Dec. 3

Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town (1970 Rankin-Bass special) - Dec. 3

Santa Baby 2: Christmas Maybe (2009 made-for-TV movie sequel starring Jennie McCarthy) - Dec. 4

Holiday in Handcuffs (2007 made-for-TV movie starring Melissa Joan Hart and Mario Lopez) - Dec. 5

Kung Fu Panda Holiday (2010 animated special) - Dec. 5

Unaccompanied Minors (2006 family movie staring Lewis Black) - Dec. 5

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993 Tim Burton stop-motion animation movie) - Dec. 6

Frosty the Snowman (1969 animated special) - Dec. 6

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964 animated special) - Dec. 6

Cricket on the Hearth (1967 animated special based on the Charles Dickens’ story) - Dec. 7

I’ll Be Home for Christmas (1998 Disney movie starring Jonathan Taylor Thomas) - Dec. 8

Prancer Returns (2001 sequel to Prancer) - Dec. 8

The Mistle-Tones (2012 made-for-TV movie starring Tori Spelling and Tia Mowry-Hardrict) - Dec. 10

12 Dates of Christmas (2011 made-for-TV movie starring Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Amy Smart) - Dec. 11

This Christmas (2007 movie starring Loretta Devine) - Dec. 12

The Perfect Holiday (2007 movie starring Gabrielle Union) - Dec. 12

Snow (2004 made-for-TV movie starring Tom Cavanagh) - Dec. 12

Love the Coopers (2015 movie starring Diane Keaton and John Goodman) - Dec. 13

Disney’s Prep & Landing: Naughty vs Nice (2011 animated special sequel) - Dec. 16

Snowglobe (2007 made-for-TV movie starring Christina Milian) - Dec. 19

Snow 2: Brain Freeze (2008 made-for-TV movie sequel starring Tom Cavanagh) - Dec. 20

Toy Story That Time Forgot (2014 animated special) - Dec. 20

Disney Fairy Tale Weddings: Holiday Magic(2017 holiday special) - Dec. 23

AMC

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989 movie starring Chevy Chase) - Nov. 25

Gremlins (1984 movie directed by Steven Spielberg) - Nov. 26

Call me Claus (2001 made-for-TV movie starring Whoopi Goldberg) - Nov. 26

To Grandmother’s House We Go (1992 made-for-TV movie starring Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen) - Nov. 26

Legend of Frosty the Snowman (2005 animated special) - Nov. 26

Christmas with the Kranks (2004 movie starring Tim Allen) - Nov. 26

Elf (2003 movie starring Will Ferrell) - Nov. 26

Jack Frost (1998 movie starring Michael Keaton) - Nov. 27

12 Dogs of Christmas: Great Puppy Rescue (2012 made-for-TV kids movie) - Nov. 27

Last Holiday (2006 movie starring Queen Latifah) - Nov. 27

Fred Claus (2007 movie starring Vince Vaughn) - Nov. 27

Four Christmases (2008 movie starring Reese Witherspoon) - Nov. 27

The Great Christmas Light Fight (seasons 1-4 of the reality competition series from 2015-18) - Nov. 28

Prancer (1989 movie starring Sam Elliott) - Nov. 29

The Polar Express (2004 animated movie starring Tom Hanks) - Nov. 29

A Miracle on Christmas Lake (2016 made-for-TV movie) - Nov. 29

Wish for Christmas (2016 made-for-TV movie starring Joey Lawrence) - Nov. 29

The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus (1985 Rankin/Bass animated special) - Nov. 30

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas (1974 Rankin/Bass animated special) - Nov. 30

Little Drummer Boy: Book II (1976 Rankin/Bass animated special) - Nov. 30

The Story of the First Christmas Snow (1975 Rankin/Bass animated special) - Nov. 30

The Leprechauns’ Christmas Gold (1981 Rankin/Bass animated special) - Nov. 30

Nestor, the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey (1977 Rankin/Bass animated special) - Nov. 30

Jack Frost (1979 Rankin/Bass animated special) - Nov. 30

Rudolph and Frosty’s Christmas in July (1979 Rankin/Bass animated special) - Nov. 30

Frosty’s Winter Wonderland (1976 Rankin/Bass animated special) - Nov. 30

Rudolph’s Shiny New Year (1976 Rankin/Bass animated special) - Nov. 30

Pinocchio’s Christmas (1980 Rankin/Bass animated special) - Nov. 30

The Year Without a Santa Claus (1974 Rankin/Bass animated special) - Nov. 30

Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987 movie starring John Candy and Steve Martin) - Dec. 2

All I Want for Christmas (1991 family movie) - Dec. 2

Samantha: An American Girl Holiday (2004 made-for-TV movie) - Dec. 3

Beethoven’s Christmas Adventure (2011 made-for-TV sequel) - Dec. 3

A Holiday To Remember (1995 made-for-TV remake starring Connie Sellica and Randy Travis) - Dec. 3

Heaven is for Real (2014 movie starring Greg Kinnear) - Dec. 3

Snow Day (2000 movie starring Chevy Chase) - Dec. 4

Ernest Saves Christmas (1998 movie starring Jim Varney) - Dec. 4

White Christmas (1954 movie classic starring Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye and Rosemary Clooney) - Dec. 5

The Sons of Mistletoe (2001 made-for-TV movie starring Doris Roberts) - Dec. 5

Miracle on 34th St. (1994 John Hughes movie remake starring Elizabeth Perkins) - Dec. 5

Merry Madagascar (2009 animated special based on the Madagascar movie series) - Dec. 8

Happy Feet (2006 animated movie) - Dec. 8

Ice Age (2002 animated movie starring Denis Leary) - Dec. 9

Joyful Noise (2012 movie starring Queen Latifah and Dolly Parton) - Dec. 9

Miracles from Heaven (2016 movie starring Jennifer Garner) - Dec. 9

A Christmas Story 2 (direct-to-DVD 2012 sequel) - Dec. 10

A Dennis the Menace Christmas (2007 movie starring Robert Wagner) - Dec. 10

A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas (2011 movie starring Neil Patrick Harris) - Dec. 11

Michael Bublé’s Christmas in Hollywood (2015 variety special) - Dec. 11

How Murray Saved Christmas (2014 animated special based on the children’s book) - Dec. 13

Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer (2000 animated special) - Dec. 13

The Madagascar Penguins In a Christmas Caper (2005 animated special based on the Madagascar movie character and spin-off TV series) - Dec. 14

Love the Coopers (2015 movie starring Diane Keaton and John Goodman) - Dec. 16

Donkey’s Caroling Christmas-tacular (2011 animated Dreamworks special) - Dec. 18

The Nativity Story (2006 movie starring Keisha Castle-Hughes and Oscar Isaac) - Dec. 19

Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas is You (original animated movie based on the 2015 children’s book of the same title; featuring Mariah Carey) - Dec. 23 (Trailer) Review

Sundance

Christmas in Connecticut (1945 movie classic starring Barbara Stanwyck) - Dec. 20

Christmas in Connecticut (1992 movie remake directed by Arnold Schwarzenegger) - Dec. 20

Hallmark Channel

Snow Bride(2013 made-for-TV movie starring Katrina Law) - Oct. 29

Naughty or Nice(2012 made-for-TV movie starring Hilarie Burton) - Oct. 29

A Holiday Engagement (2011 made-for-TV movie starring Bonnie Somerville) - Nov. 1

The Nine Lives of Christmas (2014 made-for-TV movie starring Brandon Routh) - Nov. 1

A Boyfriend for Christmas (2004 made-for-TV movie starring Kelli Williams) - Nov. 1

Hallmark Movies & Mysteries

The Christmas Card (2006 made-for-TV movie starring Ed Asner) - Oct. 29

Hallmark Drama

ASeasonfor Miracles (1999 made-for-TV Hallmark Hall of Fame movie starring Carla Gugino) - Oct. 23

A Family Thanksgiving (2010 made-for-TV movie starring Daphne Zuniga) - Nov. 1

Flight of the Reindeer (2000 made-for-TV movie starring Richard Thomas) - Nov. 2

The Christmas Gift (1986 made-for-TV movie starring John Denver) - Nov. 3

Lifetime

Snowed Inn Christmas (2017 made-for-TV movie starring Andrew Walker) - Oct. 31

Kristin’s Christmas Past (2013 made-for-TV movie starring Shiri Appleby) - Nov. 5

A Snow Globe Christmas (2013 made-for-TV movie starring Christina Milian) - Nov. 7

TBS

The Elf on the Shelf: An Elf’s Story (2011 animated special) - Nov. 23

24 Hours of A Christmas Story (annual tradition of 12 back-to-back airings of the 1983 Christmas classic) - Dec. 24-25

VH1

Scrooged (1988 movie starring Bill Murray) - Nov. 30

BBC America

Happy Feet (2006 animated movie) - Nov. 29

UP TV

Gilmore the Merrier (epic marathon of all 7 seasons of the Gilmore Girls hosted by Scott Patterson) - Nov. 24-Dec. 1 (Preview)

INSP

The Waltons: The Thanksgiving Story (1973 special episode of the series) - Nov. 28

Christmas in the Smokies (2015 made-for-TV movie starring Sarah Lancaster) - Dec. 1

The Waltons: The Best Christmas (1976 special episode of the series) - Dec. 5

Daniel Boone: A Christmas Story (1965 special episode of the series) - Dec. 7

The Homecoming: A Christmas Story (1971 made-for-TV movie that introduced The Waltons) - Dec. 9

The Waltons: The Spirit(1979 special episode of the series) - Dec. 23

Christmas on the Coast (2017 movie starring Julie Ann Emery) - Dec. 24 (Twitter, Trailer)

The Waltons: The Children’sCarol (1977 movie-length episode of the series) - Dec. 25

Bravo

A Madea Christmas(2013 Tyler Perry movie) - Oct. 3

Ovation

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (2001 made-for-TV movie starringConnieSelleca) - Dec. 12

Murdoch Mysteries: A Merry Murdoch Christmas (2015 holiday special episode of the series) - Dec. 18

Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries: Murder Under the Mistletoe(2013 holiday special episode of the series) - Dec. 24

The Greatest Story Ever Told (1965 film starring Charlton Heston) - Dec. 25

Paramount Network

Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987 movie starring John Candy and ?Steve Martin) - Nov. 17

Comedy Central

Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987 movie starring John Candy and ?Steve Martin) - Nov. 28

The Office Christmas Party (marathon of all the The Office’s holiday episodes) - Dec. 24

POP

Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001 movie starring Rene Zellweger) - Nov. 1

BETHer

Last Holiday (2006 movie starring Queen Latifah) - Oct. 30

Aspire

The Perfect Holiday(2007 movie starring Gabrielle Union) - Oct. 27

TCM

The Man Who Came to Dinner (1942 movie classic starring Bette Davis) - Nov. 19

Little Women (1949 movie classic starring June Allyson) - Dec. 1

Fanny & Alexander (1982 Ingmar Bergman classic) - Dec. 3, also On Demand

It Happened on 5th Avenue (1947 movie classic starring Victor Moore) - Dec. 8

3 Godfathers (1948 movie classic starring John Wayne) - Dec. 8

The Holly and the Ivy (1952 movie classic) - Dec. 8

Holiday Affair (1949 movie classic starring Robert Mitchum) - Dec. 15

Remember The Night (1940 movie classic starring Barbara Stanwyck and Fred MacMurray) - Dec. 15

In the Good Old Summertime (1949 movie classic, a remake of The Shop Around the Corner, starring Judy Garland) - Dec. 23

Bundle of Joy (1956 movie classic starring Debbie Reynolds and Eddie Fisher) - Dec. 23

Meet Me in St. Louis (1944 movie classic starring Judy Garland) - Dec. 24

All Mine to Give (1957 movie classic starring Glynis Johns) - Dec. 24

The Bishop’s Wife (1947 movie classic starring Cary Grant) - Dec. 24

Meet John Doe (1941 movie classic directed by Frank Capra) - Dec. 24

The Shop Around the Corner (1940 movie classic starring Jimmy Stewart) - Dec. 25

Susan Slept Here (1954 movie classic starring Debbie Reynolds) - Dec. 25

Love Finds Andy Hardy (1938 movie classic starring Mickey Rooney) - Dec. 25

Disney Channel

Good Luck Charlie, It’s Christmas (2011 Disney channel movie) - Dec. 1

Duck the Halls: A Mickey Mouse Christmas Special (2016 animated special) - Dec. 6

TV One

Turkel Marathon (three-day Family Matters marathon ) - Nov. 27-30 (Teaser)

Get TV

Perry Como’s Early American Christmas (1978 TV special) - Nov. 17

Perry Como’s Christmas in the Holy Land (1980 TV special) - Nov. 17

Perry Como’s Christmas in Austria (1976 TV special) - Nov. 17

The Secret of Giving (1999 made-for-TV movie starring Reba McEntire) - Nov. 24

A Song for the Season (1999 made-for-TV movie starring Naomi Judd and Andy Griffith) - Nov. 24

Johnny Cash Christmas ‘83 (1983 TV special) - Nov. 24

24 Hour Bing Crosby Black Friday White Christmas (Crosby movie and holiday special marathon) - Nov. 29

The Homecoming: A Christmas Story (1971 made-for-TV movie that introduced The Waltons) - Dec. 1

Papa’s Angels (2000 made-for-tv movie starring Scott Bakula) - Dec. 7

Comfort and Joy (2003 made-for-TV movie starring Nancy McKeon) - Dec. 7

A Town Without Christmas (2001 made-for-TV movie starring Patricia Heaton) - Dec. 7

Finding John Christmas (2003 made-for-TV movie starring Valeri Bertinelli) - Dec. 7

When Angels Come to Town (2004 made-for-TV movie starring Peter Falk) - Dec. 7

Yes Virginia, There is a Santa Claus (1991 movie starring Richard Thomas, Ed Asner and Charles Bronson) - Dec. 8

Ms. Scrooge (1997 made-for-TV movie starring Cicely Tyson) - Dec. 8

The Soul and Spirit of Christmas (2018 original music special featuring CeCe Winans, BeBe Winans, Koryn Hawthorn and Take 6) - Dec. 17

Father Knows Best: Home for Christmas (1977 movie based on the classic 1950s series) - Dec. 21

MeTV

A Very Brady Christmas (1988 TV movie based on the classic 1970s series) - available now

Showtime

Second Act (2018 movie starring Jennifer Lopez and Vanessa Hudgens) - Nov. 7

Everybody’s Fine (2007 movie starring Robert De Niro) - Nov. 7

The Man Who Invented Christmas (2017 movie starring Dan Stevens) - Nov. 12

You Better Watch Out (1981 holiday horror movie) - Nov. 13

A Bad Moms Christmas(2017 movie starring Mils Kunis and Kristen Bell) - Nov. 25

ChristmasEvil (1980 horror movie) - available now, on demand

HBO

The Search for Santa Paws (2010 Disney movie) - Oct. 29, HBOFamily

Love, Actually (2003 movie starring Hugh Grant and Emma Thompson) - Oct. 29, HBO Comedy

Snow Buddies (2008 Disney movie) - Nov. 2, HBO Family

Shazam (2019 DC superhero movie starring Zachary Levi) - Dec. 5, HBO

Cinemax

Jingle All the Way (1996 movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger) - Oct. 28, ActionMax

The Family Stone (1996 movie starring Sarah Jessica Parker) - Oct. 28, 5StarMax

Bridget Jones’s Diary(2001 movie staring Rene Zellweger) - Oct. 31, 5StarMax

Starz

A Christmas Carol (2006 animated movie) - available now, on demand

Inspector Gadget Saves Christmas (1992 animated special) - available now, on demand

Scrooged (1988 movie starring Bill Murray) - available now, on demand

Serendipity (2001 movie starring John Cusack) - Oct. 29, Starz Comedy

Silent Night (2012 horror film) - Oct. 31

Saving Santa (2013 animated movie) - Nov. 5

Epix

A Cadaver Christmas (2011horror movie) - available now, on demand

Christmas Bunny (2010 movie starring Florence Henderson) - available now, on demand

Christmas in Hollywood (2014 children’s film, a Chinese co-production) - available now, on demand

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964 camp classic) - available now, on demand

Saving Christmas (2014 film created by Kirk Cameron dubbed the “worst movie of all time”) - available now, on demand

Santa and Three Bears (1970 animated special) - available now, on demand

A Very Wompkee Christmas (2003 animated special) - available now, on demand

Netflix

48 Christmas Wishes (2017 movie starring Liam MacDonald and Clara Kushnir) (Trailer)

Abominable Christmas (2012 animated special) - available now

Aggretsuko: We Wish You a Metal Christmas (2018 original anime special) - available now (Trailer)

Angela’s Christmas (2018 animated special based on the children’s book by Frank McCourt) - available now (Trailer) **Review**

Angels in the Snow (2015 made-for-TV movie starring Kristy Swanson) - available now

Arthur Christmas (2011 animated movie) - Jan. 1, 2020

A Bad Moms Christmas (2017 movie starring Mils Kunis and Kristen Bell) - available now

Benji’s Very Own Christmas Story! (1978 TV special) - available now

Black Mirror: White Christmas (2014 episode of the dystopian tech series) - available now

Bob’s Broken Sleigh (2015 animated special) - available now

Bojack Horseman: Christmas Special (2014 original special) - available now

Chilling Adventures of Sabrina: A Midwinter’s Tale (2018 original special holiday stand-alone episode of the series) - available now (Trailer)

Christmas Break-In (2018 movie starring Denise Richards and Danny Glover) - Nov. 1

The Christmas Chronicles (2018 original Netflix movie produced by Chris Columbus, starring Kurt Russell, Kimberly Williams-Paisley and Judah Lewis) -available now (Trailer) ***Review***

Christmas Cracker (2015 British documentary about those obsessed with the holiday) - available now

Christmas Inheritance (2017 original Netflix movie, starring Eliza Taylor) - available now

Christmas in the Heartland (2017 movie starringSierra McCormick) - available now

A Christmas Prince (2017 original Netflix movie, starring Rose McInver) - available now

A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding (2018 original Netflix movie; wedding-themed sequel to 2017′s A Christmas Prince, starring Ben Lamb and Rose McIver) - available now (Trailer)

A Christmas Special: Miraculous Tale of Ladybug & Cat Noir (2016 animated special) - available now

Christmas with the Kranks (2004 movie starring Tim Allen) - available now

El Camino Christmas (2017 original Netflix movie starring Jessica Alba and Tim Allen) - available now

Elliot: The Littlest Reindeer (2018 animated movie starring Josh Hutcherson) - Nov. 1 (Trailer, Twitter) ****Review****

Free Rein: The Twelve Neighs of Christmas (2018 original special of the series) - available now

Get Santa (2014 British Christmas movie starring Warwick Davis and Jim Broadbent) - available now

George Balanchine’s The Nutcracker (1993 New York City ballet production, narrated by Kevin Kline) - available now

Great British Baking Show: Holidays (2016 Christmas special of The Great British Bake Off) - available now ***Review***

Gremlins (1984 movie directed by Steven Spielberg) - May 1

The Grinch (2018 animated movie starring Benedict Cumberbatch as the Grinch) - June 5 (Trailer, Trailer 2,Trailer 3)

The Holiday Calendar (2018 original Netflix movie starring Kat Graham, Quincy Brown and Ron Cephas Jones) - available now (Trailer) **Review**

Holly Star (2018 movie written, directed and starring Michael Nickles) - Nov. 1 (Trailer)

A Holiday Engagement (2011 made-for-TV movie starring Bonnie Somerville and Shelley Long) - available now

Home for the Holidays (2017 animated special based on the Dreamworks movie characters from Home) - available now

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000 live action film, starring Jim Carrey) - available now

Just Friends (2005 holiday-com starring Ryan Reynolds and Amy Smart) - May 1

Kung Fu Panda Holiday (2010 animated special) - available now

Lez Bomb (2018 movie starring Jenna Laurenzo) - available now

Mariah Carey’s Merriest Christmas (2015 musical special) - available now

The Magic Snowflake (2013 animated movie) - available now

Merry Madagascar (2009 animated special; packaged with other Dreamworks holiday shorts as “DreamWorks Holiday Classics”, also listed as Happy Holidays from Madagascar) - available now

Mickey’s Magical Christmas: Snowed In at the House of Mickey Mouse (2001 animated Christmas compilation) - available now

Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas (1999 animated compilation) - available now

Mickey’s Twice Upon a Christmas (2004 animated compilation) - available now

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic “Best Gift Ever” (2018 animated special) - available now (Trailer)

Nailed It! Holiday! (2018 original holiday baking-themed special episodes of the series) - available now (Trailer) *Review*

Natale A Cinque Stelle (a.k.a. Five Star Christmas; Italian Christmas comedy starring Massimo Gini) - available now (Trailer)

Neo Yokio Pink Christmas (2018 Netflix original animated special starring Jaden Smith and Jamie Foxx) - available now (Trailer)

The Night of the Meek (1954 class Christmas Twilight Zone episode; season 2, episode 11) - available now

Nutcracker and the Four Realms (2018 Disney movie starring Keira Knightly, Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren and Mackenzie Foy) - May 28 (Trailer)

OddBods: The Festive Menace (2018 animated special) - available now

Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009 Black Friday movie starring Kevin James) - available now

Pee Wee’s Playhouse Christmas Special (1988 special) - available now

Pottersville (2017 movie starring Michael Shannon, Judy Greer and Christina Hendricks) - available now

Prince of Peoria: A Christmas Moose Miracle (2018 original special) - available now

The Princess Switch (2018 Netflix original holiday moviestarring Vanessa Hudgens and Sam Palladino) - available now (Trailer) ***Review***

Puppy Star Christmas (2018 children’s holiday film in the continuing Pup Stars franchise) - available now (Trailer)

Reindeer Games (2000 action movie starring Ben Affleck) - available now

Santa Buddies (2009 Disney movie) - available now

Santa Pac’s Merry Berry Day (2016 animated special) - available now

Santa Paws 2: The Santa Pups (2012 Disney movie) - available now

Santa’s Apprentice (2010 animated movie) - available now

The Spirit of Christmas (2015 made-for-TV movie) - available now

The Star (2017 animated film telling of the Christmas story from the animal’s perspective) - available now

Stick Man (2015 BBC animated special; starring Martin Freeman, based on the book by Julia Donaldson) - available now

A Storybots Christmas (2017 animated special, starring Judy Greer and Ed Asner) - available now

Super Monsters and the Wish Star (2018 original animated special based on the series) - available now

Tree Man (2015 documentary) - available now

Trailer Park Boys: Xmas Special (2004 special) - available now

Trolls Holiday - (2017 holiday special starring Anna Kendrick, Justin Timberlake and Zooey Deschanel, featuring characters from the Dreamworks feature film) - available now

A Very Murray Christmas (2015 Netflix variety special starring Bill Murray) - available now

White Christmas (1954 movie classic starring Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye and Rosemary Clooney) - available now

Hulu

Albert (2016 animated special) - available now

Angels in the Snow (2015 made-for-TV movie starring Kristy Swanson) - available now

Anna and the Apocolypse (2018 holiday horror-comedy starring Ella Hunt) - Nov. 13 (Trailer, Trailer 2, Redband UK Trailer)

Bad Santa (2003 movie starring Billy Bob Thornton) - July 1

Back to Christmas (2014 made-for-TV movie) - available now

Barbie: A Perfect Christmas (2011 animated special) - available now

Barbie in a Christmas Carol (2008 animated special) - available now

Barney: Night Before Christmas (1998 special) - available now

Barney A Very Merry Christmas: The Movie (2011 movie) - available now

Barney: Christmas Star (2002 special) - available now

Ben is Back (2018 holiday-set drama starring Julia Roberts) - available now

Bob the Builder: Christmas to Remember (2001 animated special) - available now

Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001 movie starring Rene Zellweger) - available now

Chasing Christmas (2005 made-for-TV movie starring Tom Arnold) - available now

Christmas in Wonderland (2007 made-for-TV movie starring Patrick Swayze) - available now

Christmas Perfection (2018 made-for-TV movie starring Caitlin Thompson, James Henri-Thomas and Robbie Silverman) - available now

Crazy for Christmas (2005 made-for-TV movie starring Howard Hesseman) - available now

Curious George: A Very Monkey Christmas (2009 animated movie) - available now

Daddy’s Home 2 (2017 holiday comedy starring Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell) - available now

Dear Santa (2011 made-for-TV movie starring Amy Acker) - available now

Decorating Disney: Holiday Magic (2017 special) - available now

Deck the Halls (2005 made-for-TV movie starring Gabrielle Carteris) - available now

Disney Fairy Tale Weddings: Holiday Magic (2017 special) - available now

Drinksgiving (2017 movie starring Pamela Mitchell) - available now

Eve’s Christmas (2004 made-for-TV movie starring Elisa Donovan) - Dec. 1

Every Other Holiday (2018 made-for-TV movie starring Schulyer Fisk, David Clayton Rogers, Dee Wallace and Abby James Witherspoon) - available now****Review****

A Fairly Odd Christmas (2012 made-for-TV movie starring Drake Bell; one in a series of live-action adaptations of the animated series The Fairly OddParents) - Nov. 1

Flesh and Blood (2018 Hulu original holiday horror movie) - available now

A Frozen Christmas 3: Party Time (2018 animated movie) - available now

Giada’s Holiday Handbook (seasons 1-3 of the Food Network series) - Nov. 1

The Great American Baking Show: Holiday Edition (season 4 of the limited-run series) - available now

The Great Christmas Light Fight (season 6 of the limited-run reality competition featuring outrageous holiday displays judged by Carter Oosterhouse and Taniya Nayak) - available now

Happy New Year Charlie Brown (1986 animated special) - available now

Holiday Baking Championship (seasons 1-4 of the Food Network series) - Nov. 1

A Holiday Engagement (2011 made-for-TV movie starring Bonnie Somerville and Shelley Long) - available now

Holiday in Handcuffs (2007 made-for-TV movie starring Melissa Joan Hart and Mario Lopez) - available now

Home by Christmas (2006 made-for-TV movie starring Linda Hamilton)

Home for the Holidays (2005 made-for-TV movie starring Sean Young) - available now

Ice Age: A Mammoth Christmas (2011 animated special based on the Ice Age movie series) - Nov. 24

Instant Family (2018 movie starring Mark Wahlberg) - Nov. 14 (Trailer)

I Want a Dog For Christmas, Charlie Brown (2003 animated special) - available now

Jingle Bell Rocks (2014 non-traditional Christmas music documentary) - available now

Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas (2014 film dubbed the“worst movie of all time”) - available now

March of the Penguins 2: The Next Step (2018 documentary sequel) - available now

Midnighters (2017 New Year’s-set movie thriller) - available now

My Dad is Scrooge (2014 family movie) - available now

My Little Pony: A Very Minty Christmas (2005 animated special) - available now

My Santa (2013 made-for-TV movie starring Samaire Armstrong) - available now

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989 movie starring Chevy Chase) - available now

New Year, New You (2018 Hulu original holiday horror movie) - available now

NOS4A2 (season one of the AMC Christmas-obssesed vampire series, based on the book by Joe Hill) - Nov. 26

No Sleep ‘Til Christmas (2018 made-for-TVmovie starring Dave and Odette Annable) - available now (Trailer) Review

The Oath (2018 movie starring Ike Barinholtz, Tiffany Haddish, John Cho and Nora Dunn) - available now (Trailer)

OddBods: The Festive Menace (2018 animated special) - available now

Pixi Saves Christmas (2018 animated special) - available now

Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987 movie starring John Candy and Steve Martin) - July 1

The Polar Express (2004 animated movie starring Tom Hanks) - July 1

Pooka (2018 Hulu original holiday horror movie) - available now

Prancer(1989 movie starring Sam Elliott) - Dec. 1

Rare Exports: A Christmas tale (2010 holiday horror movie) - available now

Santa Baby 2: Christmas Maybe (2009 made-for-TV movie sequel starring Jennie McCarthy) - available now

Santa Hunters (2014 made-for-TV family movie starring Benjamin Flores Jr. and Breanna Yde) - available now

Saving Christmas (2017 movie starring Ed Asner, Brooke Langton and Patrick Muldoorn) - Sep 1 (Trailer)

The Secret of the Nutcracker (2007 movie starring Brian Cox and Tom Carey) - available now

Snow (2004 made-for-TV movie starring Tom Cavanagh) - available now

Snow 2: Brain Freeze (2008 made-for-TV movie sequel starring Tom Cavanagh) - available now

The Spirit of Christmas (2015 made-for-TV movie) - available now

So This Is Christmas (2013 movie starring Vivica A. Fox) - available now

The Swan Princess Christmas (2012 animated movie) - available now

Terrific Trucks Save Christmas (2016 animated movie) - available now

Tiny Christmas (2017 made-for-TV family movie starring Riele Downs and Lizzy Greene) - available now

The Truth About Christmas (2018 made-for-TV movie starring Kali Hawk) - available now (Trailer) ****Review****

A Very Brady Christmas (1988 TV movie based on the classic 1970s series) - available now

A Very Terry Christmas: Get Cozy with Terry Crews (2018 special) - available now

The Wiggles, Go Santa Go ( 2013 musical special) - available now

Amazon Prime

12 Days of Christmas Eve (2004 made-for-TV Christmas movie starring Steven Weber and Molly Shannon) - available now

Abbott & Costello Christmas Show (1955 Christmas special) - available now

All I Want For Christmas is You (original animated movie based on the 2015 children’s book of the same title; featuring Mariah Carey) - available now (Trailer) Review

All isBright (2013 dark holiday comedy starring Paul Rudd and Paul Giamatti) -available now

An All Dogs Christmas Carol (1998 animated movie) - available now

An American Christmas Carol (1979 made-for-TV movie starring Henry Winkler) - available now

An American Girl Story, Maryellen 1955: Extraordinary Christmas (2016 original movie) - available now

An Angel for Christmas (1995 animated special) - available now

Anna and the Apocolypse (2018 holiday horror-comedy starring Ella Hunt) - Nov. 13 (Trailer, Trailer 2, Redband UK Trailer)

The Apartment (1960 Billy Wilder classic starring Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine) - available now

Arthur’s Perfect Christmas (2011 animated special) - available now

Babes in Toyland (1986 movie starring Keanu Reeves and Drew Barrymore) - available now

Babes in Toyland (1961 Disney movie starring Annette Funicello) - available now

Babes in Toyland (1997 animated movie) - available now

Bad Santa (2003 movie starring Billy Bob Thornton) - Nov. 1

Believe: The True Story of Real Bearded Santas (2017 documentary of real-bearded Santas) - available now

Best Thanksgiving Ever (2018 movie starring Eric Roberts) - available now

The Beverly Hillbillies Christmas Adventure (new compilation of 1963 holiday episode of the series) - available now

Beyond Christmas (1940 colorized movie classic starring Harry Carey) - available now

Black Christmas (1974 slasher film) - available now

Blizzard (2004 live-action kids movie directed by Le Var Burton) - available now

Bob Hope Christmas Special (1968 variety special) - available now

Box Office Bargain Bin Presents: A Christmas Carol (2018 special featuring movie commentary from“Bo McGraw”) - available now

Brat Holiday Spectacular (2019 family movie) - available now (Trailer)

Brer Rabbit’s Christmas Carol (1992 animated special) - available now

Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001 movie starring Rene Zellweger) - available now

A Bush Christmas (1983 movie starring Nicole Kidman) - available now

A Cadaver Christmas (2011 holiday horror comedy) - Aug 31

Charles Dickens: A Christmas Carol (1982 animated movie) - available now

Charles Dickens' The Christmas Carol (1949 tv special narrated by Vincent Price) - available now

Chasing Christmas (2005 made-for-TV movie starring Tom Arnold) - available now

A Child’s Christmas (2008 British animated special, narrated by Matthew Rhys) - available now

A Child’s Christmas in Wales (1987 movie starring Denholm Elliott) - available now

A Christian Carol (2017 movie puts faith-based spin on Dickens) - available now

Christmas, Again (2014 movie written and directed by Charles Poekel) - available now

Christmas Bunny (2010 movie starring Florence Henderson) - available now

Christmas at Maxwell’s (2006 faith-based movie starring Andrew May) - TBA

A Christmas Carol (1951 movie classic starring Alastair Sim) - available now

A Christmas Carol (1954 TV version originally aired as part of Shower of Stars,starring Fredric March) - available now

A Christmas Carol (1969 animated special, originally aired on NBC) - available now

A Christmas Carol (1971 animated movie starring Alastair Sim) - available now

A Christmas Carol (2016 Australian musical version aimed at kids) - available now

Christmas Cartoons (14 Christmas shorts from Fleischer Studios/Famous studios 1930s-40s collection) - available now

Christmas Cartoon Wonderland (collection of 1930s-40s cartoons) - available now

Christmas Child (2004 movie based on the Max Lucado story) - available now

Christmas Comes But Once a Year (1936 animated short) - available now

The Christmas Dragon (2015 animated movie) - available now

Christmas Dreams (2017 children’s movie narrated by Kevin Sorbo) - available now

Christmas in Car City (2017 holiday series of preschool animated shorts from Amuse Entertainment) - available now

A Christmas in New York (2017 Nathan Ives movie) - available now

Christmas in New York (2005 animated special) - available now

Christmas in Hollywood (2014 children’s film, a Chinese co-production) - available now

Christmas in Wonderland (2007 made-for-TV movie starring Patrick Swayze) - available now

Christmas is Here Again (2007 animated movie) - available now

Christmas Lilies of the Field (1979 made-for-TV sequel starring Billy Dee Williams) - available now

Christmas Miracles (2017 Richard Thomas and Nia Peeples-hosted series featuring holiday stories of hope) - available now

A Christmas Snow (2010 movie starring Catherine Mary Stewart) - available now

Christmas Story (2008 movie starring Jon Turturro and Noah Emmerich) - available now

A Christmas Story Documentary: Road Trip For Ralphie (2008 documentary about the classic Christmas film) - available now

The Christmas That Almost Wasn’t (1966 Italian movie, avant garde take on A Christmas Carol) - available now

The Christmas Toy (1986 Jim Henson special) - available now

Christmas Wander (2017 faith-based holiday movie written/directed by Micah Caronna) - available now

The Christmas Wife (1988 made-for-TV movie starring Jason Robards) - available now

Christmas with Lorne Greene (1966 special) - available now

Christmas with the King Family (1967 holiday special) - available now

A Christmas Without Snow (1980 made-for-TV movie starring John Houseman and Michael Learned) - available now

Christopher and Holly: The Bears Who Saved Christmas (1994 animated special) - available now

Click, Clack, Moo: Christmas at the Farm (2017 original animated special) - available now

Coopers’ Christmas (2010 movie starring Dave Foley) - available now

The Cowboy & The Indians: A Gene Autry Christmas Western (1949 movie) - available now

Crazy for Christmas (2005 made-for-TV movie starring Howard Hesseman) - available now

Daddy’s Home 2 (2017 holiday comedy starring Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell) - available now

Date with the Angels: Santa’s Helper (1957 special starring Betty White) - available now

Dear Santa (2006 special hosted by Kristen Bell, with celebs answering kids’ “Dear Santa” letters) - available now

Deck the Halls (1994 Reynolds-Harris animated special) - available now

Deck the Halls (2005 made-for-TV movie starring Gabrielle Carteris) - available now

Disney’s A Christmas Carol (2009 animated movie starring Jim Carrey) - available Dec. 5

Dot & Spot’s Magical Christmas Adventure (1996 animated special) - available now

The Elf Who Didn’t Believe (1996 family movie) - available now

Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas (1977 Jim Henson special) - available now

Ex-Mas Eve (2006 independent holiday rom-com) - available now

Fall City (2018 movie starring Dashiell Wolf) - available now

Fanny, Annie & Danny (2010 Christmas movie) - available now

Franklin’s Magic Christmas (2001 animated special) - available now

G.E. Theatre Christmas Show: A Child is Born (1956 special hosted by Ronald Regan) - available now

Getting to the Nutcracker (2014 ballet documentary) - available now

The Great Rupert a.k.a. A Christmas Wish (1950 movie starring Jimmy Durante) - available now

The Gruffalo (2009 animated special) - available now

The Gruffalo’s Child (2011 animated special) - available now

Gumby’s Christmas Capers (2014 animated special) - available now

Happy! (2017 holiday-set sci-fi series starring Christopher Meloni) - available now

Holiday Engagement (2011 made-for-TV movie starring Bonnie Somerville and Shelley Long) - available now

Holiday Heart (2000 movie starring Ving Rhames and Alfre Woodard) - available now

Holiday Inn (1941 Irving Berlin classic starring Bing Crosby) - available now

Home for Christmas (1990 made-for-TV movie starring Mickey Rooney) - available now

Home for the Holidays (1995 movie starring Hollie Hunter and Robert Downey Jr.) - available now

Home for the Holidays (2005 made-for-TV movie starring Sean Young) - available now

I Am Santa Claus (2014 Mick Foley documentary) - available now

I Believe in Santa Claus (1984 French children’s movie, dubbed in English) - available now

If You Give a Mouse a Christmas Cookie (2016 animated special) - available now

Instant Family (2018 movie starring Mark Wahlberg) - Nov. 14 (Trailer)

It Happened One Christmas (1977 movie starring Marlo Thomas) - available now

It’s a Wonderful Life (Frank Capra’s 1946 classic starring Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed) - available now

The Jack Benny Show: Jack Benny Does Christmas Shopping (1954 classic) - available now

Jack Frost (1979 Rankin-Bass animated special) - available now

Jingle All the Way (1996 movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger) - Dec. 5

Jingle Bell Rap (1991 Reynolds-Harris animated special) - available now

Johann’s Gift to Christmas (1991claymation and live action special, based on the 1972 children’s book) - available now

Juggler of Notre Dame (1983 faith-based, made-for-TV movie) - available now

Jolly Old St. Nicholas (1994 Reynolds-Harris animated special) - available now

Just Getting Started (2017 movie starring Morgan Freeman and Rene Russo) - available now

Larry’s Tree: A Christmas Journey to the White House (2018 documentary about the White House tree) - available now

The Legends of Santa (2012 documentary) - available now

Let’s Go: Christmas the Movie 2 (2018 low-budget sequel) - available now

The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus (1976 Rankin-Bass animated special) - available now

The Little Christmas Burro (1977 animated special available as part of “Christmas Classics Vol. 2″) - available now

The Little Crooked Christmas Tree (1990 animated special, based on the book and narrated by Christopher Plummer) - available now

Lost Christmas (2014 movie starring Eddie Izzard) - available now

The Lost Season (2004 animated special) - available now

Lovely, Still (2010 movie starring Martin Landau, Elizabeth Banks and Ellen Bustyn) - available now

The Magic Christmas Tree (1964 fantasy movie) - available now

Magic Gift of the Snowman (2003 animated special) - available now

March of the Wooden Soliders (a.k.a. Babes inToyland, colorized version of the 1934 Laurel and Hardy movie) - available now

The Man Who Invented Christmas (2017 movie starring Dan Stevens) - available now

Meet John Doe (1941 classic directed by Frank Capra) - available now

The Merry Gentlemen (2009 movie starring Michael Keaton) - available now

A Merry Mirthworm Christmas (1984 Reynolds-Harris animated special) - available now

Merry Christmas from Funny or Die (2010 special featuring Ryan Gosling and Will Ferrell) - available now

A Merry Friggin’ Christmas (2014 movie starring Robin Williams) - available now

Miracle at Sage Creek (2005 Western holiday film starring David Carradine and Wes Studi) - available now

A Miracle on Christmas Lake (2016 made-for-TV movie) - available now

The Miracle on 34th Street (2006 made-for-TV version of the movie classic) - available now

Mister Scrooge To See You (2013 movie that imagines what happened after A Christmas Carol) - available now

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year (2008 made-for-TV movie starring Henry Winkler) - available now

Mother Krampus (2017 horror movie) - available now

Mr. Bill’s Christmas Special (1994 Canadian special) - available now

MST3K: Santa Claus (1993 episode of the bad movie mocking series) - available now

New Year’s Day (1989 movie starring David Duchovny) - available now

Noel (2006 movie starring Susan Sarandon and Penelope Cruz) - available now

Nick and Noel (1993 animated special) - available now

The Night Before Christmas (2016 animated special) - available now

Night of the Comet (1984 holiday horror camp classic) - available now

The Night of the Meek (1954 class Christmas Twilight Zone episode; season 2, episode 11) - available now

Nutcracker: The Motion Picture (1986 movie starring Wade Walthall) - available now

Noelle (2018 movie starring Luiz Baille and Sean Patrick Brennan) - available now

O Christmas Tree (1994 Reynolds-Harris animated special) - available now

O’Christmas Tree (1999 animated special starring Ed Asner) - available now

Oddbods: The Festive Menance (2017 animated special) - available now

Operation Christmas List (2016 comedy) - available now

On Valentine’s Day (1986 movie, part 2 of the Horton Foote trilogy The Story of a Marriage, which originally aired on PBS; Despite the title Christmas is integral to this section of the story)

Pete the Cat: A Groovy New Year (2017 animated special) - available now

Pete’s Christmas (2013 made-for-TV Christmas movie starring Bailee Madison) - available now

Pieces of April (2003 Thanksgiving movie starring Katie Holmes) - available now

A Pondemonium Christmas (2011 animated special) - available now

Red Skelton Christmas Classics (1955 variety specials highlights) - available now

Rosemont (a.k.a. A Rosemont Christmas; 2015 movie starring Michael Gross, Brad Dourif and Grace Zabriskie) - available now

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer (1948 animated short) - available now

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964 camp classic) - available now

Santa Claus Wears a Gun (1956 special starring Annie Oakley) - available now

Santa and the Fairy Snow Queen (1951 Sid Davis live-action short) - available now

Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (1972 cult classic fantasy film) available now

Santa and Pete (1999 made-for-TV movie starring James Earl Jones and Hume Cronyn) - available now

Santa and Three Bears (1970 animated special) - available now

Santa Claus vs the Devil (a.k.a. Santa Claus, 1959 Mexican fantasy movie) - available now

The Santa Suicides (2018 UK horror-comedy) - available now

Scrooge (1935 movie classic starring Seymour Hicks; colorized version also listed as “A Christmas Carol in Color!”) - available now

Scrooge (1970 movie classic musical movie classic starring Albert Finney) - available now

Shelved (2016 holiday horror movie directed by Michael E Cullen III) - available now

Silent Night, Bloody Night (2014 French horror movie) - available now

Some of My Best Friends Are (1970 movie starring Fannie Flagg) - available now

The Snowy Day (2016 original animated special, based on the classic children’s book) - available now

The Snowman (1982 animated special based on classic children’s picture book) - available now

The Snowman and the Snowdog (2014 animated special sequel to The Snowman) - available now

Snow Queen (2002 series based on the fairy tale, starring Bridget Fonda) - available now

Snow Queen (2013 animated movie) - available now

Solstice (1993 movie starring Mike Kelly) - Nov. 27

Some Girls (1988 comedy starring Patrick Dempsey and Jennifer Connelly) - available now

Something for Nothing (1999 animated special based on a Jewish folk tale) - available now

Stick Man (2015 BBC animated special; starring Martin Freeman, based on the book by Julia Donaldson) - available now

Stuck in Love (2012 Thanksgiving movie starring Greg Kinnear and Jennifer Connelly) - available now

Switchmas (a.k.a. Ira Finkelstein's Christmas or All I Want IsChristmas; 2012 movie starring Elliot Gould) - available now

Thanksgiving (2015 movie starring Matthew Chastain) - available now

A Thanksgiving Tale (1983 puppet special from the producers of Alf) - available now

The Ugly Duckling’s Christmas Wish (1996 Reynolds-Harris animated movie) - available now

Unlikely Angel (1996 made-for-TV movie starring Dolly Parton) - available now

Up on the Housetop (1992 Reynolds-Harris animated special) - available now

A Very Merry Cricket (1973 animated special) - available now

We Wish You A Merry Christmas (1994 animated special) - available now

Who (2018 Indian sci-fi movie set on Christmas) - available now

Yes, Virginia (2009 animated special) - available now

Yes Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus (1991 made-for-TV movie starring Richard Thomas, Ed Asner and Charles Bronson) - available now

The Yummy Gummy Search for Santa (2012 animated special) - available now

Disney+

12 Dates ofChristmas (2011 made-for-TV movie starring Mark-Paul Gosselaarand Amy Smart) - available Nov. 12

Babes in Toyland (1961 movie starringAnnette Funicello) - available Nov. 12

Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas (1997 direct-to-DVD animated sequel) - Nov. 12

The Christmas Star (1986 movie starring Ed Asner) - available Nov. 12

Decorating Disney: Holiday Magic (2017 TV special about decorating Disney parks - available Nov. 12

Disney’s A Christmas Carol (2009 animated movie starring Jim Carrey) - available Nov. 12

Doug’s Secret Christmas (1996 holiday special episode of the series) -available now

Ducktales: Last Christmas (2018 holiday special episode of the series) - available now

Frozen (2013 Disney animated movie) - available Nov. 12

Good Luck Charlie, It’s Christmas (2011 Disney channel movie) - available Nov. 12

Home Alone (1990 comedy starring Macaulay Culkin) - availableNov. 12

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992 comedy starring Macaulay Culkin) - availableNov. 12

I’ll Be Home for Christmas (1998 movie starring Jonathan Taylor Thomas) - available Nov. 12

Iron Man 3(2013 movie starring Robert Downey, Jr.) - available Nov. 12

The Kids’ Hospital at Christmas (2014 UK series) - available now

Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas (1999 animated compilation) - available Nov. 12

Mickey and the Roadster Racers: Hot Diggity Holiday (2017 animated special) - available Nov. 12

Mickey and the Roadster Racers: Happy Holiday Helpers (2017 animated special) - available Nov. 12

Mickey’s Twice Upon a Christmas (2004 animated compilation) - available Nov. 12

Millions (2004 movie written and directed by Danny Boyle) - available Nov. 12

Miracle on 34th Street(1947 holiday classic starring Natalie Wood) - available Nov. 12

The Mistle-Tones (2012 made-for-TV movie starring Tori Spelling and Tia Mowry-Hardrict) - available Nov. 12

The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992 movie starring Michael Caine) - avialable Nov. 12

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993 stop-animate movie) - available Nov. 12

Nutcracker and the Four Realms (2018 Disney movie starring Keira Knightly) - available now (Trailer)

Olaf’s Frozen Adventure (2017 special based on the characters from Disney’s Frozen) - available now

One Magic Christmas (1985 movie starring Mary Steenburgen) - available Nov. 12

Pluto’s Christmas Tree (1952 animated short) - available now

Phineas & Ferb’s Christmas Vacation (2009 Disney Channel animated special) - available Nov. 12

Richie Rich’s Christmas Wish (1998 movie starring Eugene Levy) -available Nov. 12

Santa Buddies: The Legend of Santa Paws (2009 Disney movie) - available now

The Santa Clause (1994 movie starring Tim Allen) - available Nov. 12

The Santa Clause 2 (2002 sequel starring Tim Allen) - available Nov. 12

Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006 sequel starring Tim Allen and Martin Short) - available Nov. 12

Santa Paws 2: The Santa Pups (2012 Disney movie) - available Nov. 12

The Search for Santa Paws (2010 Disney movie) - available now

The Snowball Express (1972 movie starring Dean Jones) - available Nov. 12

Snow Dogs (2002 movie starring Cuba Gooding Jr.) - available Nov. 12

Snowglobe (2007 made-for-TV movie starring Christina Milian) - available Nov. 12

Three Days (2001 made-for-TV movie starring Kristin Davis and Reed Diamond) - available Nov. 12

‘Twas the Night (2001 Disney Channel movie starring Bryan Cranston) - Nov. 12

The Ultimate Christmas Present (2000 Disney Channel movie) - available Nov. 12

Unaccompanied Minors (2006 family movie staring Lewis Black) - Dec. 1

Victorian Farm: Christmas Special (2009 UK holiday special) - available now

While You Were Sleeping (1995 movie starring Sandra Bullock) - available Nov. 12

Winnie the Pooh: A Very Merry Pooh Year (2002 direct-to-DVD animated movie) - available Nov. 12

Britbox

Black Adder’sChristmas Carol (1988 holiday special episode of the series) - available now

A Child’s Christmas in Wales (1987 movie starring Denholm Elliott) - available now

A Christmas Carol (1977 BBC special showing of stage performance starring Michael Hordern) - available now

Click & Collect (2018 made-for-TV movie starring Stephen Merchant) - available now

Clash of the Santas (2008 made-for-TV movie starring Robson Green and Mark Benton) - available now

Gavin & Stacey: 12 Days of Christmas (2008 documentary on the making of the original Christmas special) - available now

Hold the Sunset Christmas Special (special Christmas episode of the series) - available now

The Lights Before Christmas: Luminous London (2018 Britbox original, “slow TV” holiday-themed special) - available now

Mock the Week Christmas Special (2018 special Christmas episode of the comedy news show) - available now

Mr. Stink (2012 made-for-TV movie based on the popular children’s book) - available now

QI Christmas Specials (2018 special Christmas episodes of the game show) - available now

The Snow Queen (2005 BBC animated movie starring Patrick Stewart) - available now

Swingin’ Christmas (2018 concert special hosted by Michael Parkinson with special guest Seth McFarlane) - available now

Upstart Crow Christmas Special(special Christmas episode of the series) - available now

Would I Lie to You Christmas Specials (special 2018 Christmas episodes of the game show) - available now

Mary Berry’s Absolute Favorites (holiday special featuring The Great British Bake Off’s Mary Berry) - available now

Acorn TV

After Henry: A Quiet Christmas(1988 holiday special episode of the series) - available now

Birds of a Feather Christmas Special (2014 holiday special episode of the series) - available now

Boomers Christmas Special (2015 holiday special episode of the series) - available now

The Brokenwood Mysteries: A Merry Bloody Christmas (2016 holiday special episode of the series) - available now)

Detectorists Christmas Special (2015 holiday special episode of the series) - available now

Fresh Fields: A Dickens of a Christmas (1985 holiday special episode of the series) - available now)

Midsomer Murders: Ghosts of Christmas Past(2004 holiday special episode of the series) - available now

MidsomerMurders: The Christmas Haunting(2013 holiday special episode of the series) - available now

A Moody Christmas (2012 Australian holiday comedy, six-episode mini-series with each episode taking place on a different Christmas) - available now

The Moodys (2014 Australian follow-up series to A Moody Christmas, with each episode taking place on a different holiday over course of a year) - available now

Murdoch Mysteries: A Merry Murdoch Christmas (2015 holiday special episode of the series) - available now

Murdoch Mysteries: Once Upon a Murdoch Christmas (2016 holiday special episode of the series) - available now

A Place to Call Home: Ghosts of Christmas Past (2014 holiday special episode of the series) - available now

The Worst Christmas of My Life(3 episode, season 3 mini-series of the British comedy series The Worst Week of My Life) - available now

The Yorkshire Vet at Christmas(2016 holiday special episode of the series) - available now

Hallmark Movies Now

It’s Christmas, Carol (2012 made-for-TV movie starring Carrie Fisher) - available now

Window Wonderland (2013 made-for-TV movie starring Chyler Leigh) - available Oct. 25

Vudu (free-to-stream titles only)

Black Christmas (1974 holiday horror film) - available now

Christmas Bunny (2010 movie starring Florence Henderson) - available now

A Christmas Carol (2018 Scottish version starring Stuart Brennan) -available now (Trailer)

Christmas Evil (1980 horror movie) - available now

Discarding Santa (2018 mockumentary) - available now

Once Upon a Time at Christmas (2017 horror movie) - available now

Pete’s Christmas (2013 made-for-TV Christmas movie starring Bailee Madison) - available now

Santa’s Christmas Crash (1995 animated special) - available now

Santa’s Christmas Snooze (1995 animated special) - available now

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964 camp classic) - available now

Santa and Pete (1999 made-for-TV movie starring James Earl Jones and Hume Cronyn) - available now

Santa and Three Bears (1970 animated special) - available now

Santa’s Slay (2004 horror movie) - available now

Santa with Muscles (1996 movie starring Hulk Hogan) - available now

In Search of Santa (2004 animated movie starring Hilary Duff) - available now

The Swan Princess Christmas (2012 animated movie) - available now

Yo Gabba Gabba!: A Very Awesome Live Holiday Show! (2014 special) - available now

Tubi

All American Christmas Carol (2013 movie starring Beverly D’Angelo) - available now

An American Christmas Carol (1979 made-for-TV movie starring Henry Winkler) - available now

An Angel for Christmas(2018 animated special) - available now

Back to Christmas (2014 made-for-TV movie) - available now

The Bear Who Slept Through Christmas (1973 animated special) - available now

The Beverly Hillbillies Christmas Adventure (new compilation of 1963 holiday episode of the series) - available now

Beyond Christmas (1940 colorized movie classic starring Harry Carey) - available now

Black Christmas (1974 slasher film) - available now

Brat Holiday Spectacular (2019 family movie) - available now (Trailer)

Brer Rabbit’s Christmas Carol (1992 animated special) - available now

A Child’s Christmas in Wales (1987 movie starring Denholm Elliott) - available now

A Christmas Adventure (2001 animated movie) - available now

Christmas All Over Again (2016 movie starring Joey Lawrence) - available now

A Christmas Carol (1935 movie classic starring Seymour Hicks) - available now

A Christmas Carol (2012 animated movie starring Gary Chalk) - available now

Christmas Crime Story (2017 thriller) - available now

Christmas Oranges (2012 movie starring Edward Herrman) -available now

Christmas Comes to Willow Creek(1987 made-for-TV movie starring John Schneider) - available now

Christmas for a Dollar (2013 made-for-TV movie) -available now

Christmas Lilies of the Field (1979 made-for-TV sequel starring Billy Dee Williams) - available now

A Christmas in New York (2017 Nathan Ives movie) - available now

My Christmas Soldier(2006 short) - available now

Christmas Twister (2012 made-for-TV holiday disaster movie) - available now

The Christmas That Almost Wasn’t (1966 Italian movie, avant garde take on A Christmas Carol) - available now

Cooper’s Christmas (2010 movie starring Jason Jones, Sam Bee and Dave Foley) - available now

Davey and Goliath Snowboard Christmas (2004 stop-motion animation movie) - available now

Discarding Santa (2018 mockumentary) - available now

The First Christmas (2005 musical starring Lauren Faber) - available now

The Fitzgerald Family Christmas (2012 movie starring Connie Britton) - available now

The Great Rupert a.k.a. A Christmas Wish (1950 movie starring Jimmy Durante) - available now

Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever (2014 made-for-TV movie) - available now

Gumby’s Christmas Capers (2014 animated special) - available now

Happy Christmas (2014 movie starring Anna Kendrick) - available now

I Believe in Christmas (1984 French family movie) - available now

Let’s Kill Grandpa this Christmas (2017 black comedy) - available now

The Magic Christmas Tree (1964 fantasy movie) - available now

Mary Christmas (2002 made-for-TV movie starring Tom Bosley and Cynthia Gibb) - available now

Mercy Christmas (2017 holiday horror-comedy) - available now

A Miracle on Christmas Lake (2016 made-for-TV Canadian movie) - available now

Molly and the Christmas Monster (2016 animated special) - available now

Noelle (2018 movie starring Luiz Baille and Sean Patrick Brennan) - available now

A Pahappahooey Island Christmas (2005 puppet special) - available now

Pete’s Christmas (2013 made-for-TV Christmas movie starring Bailee Madison) - available now

The Real St. Nick(2012 made-for-TV movie starring Torrey DeVitto) -available now

Red Christmas (2016 holiday horror movie starring Dee Wallace) - available now

Santa’s Castle (2018 family movie) - available now (Trailer)

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964 camp classic) - available now

Santa Mouse and the Reindeer(2000 animated special) -available now

Santa's Special Delivery (1999 animated special) - available now

Santa and Three Bears (1970 animated special) - available now

The Side Show Christmas (2008 animated special) - available now

Throwback Holiday (2018 made-for-TV movie) - available now

The Tangerine Bear: Home in Time for Christmas (1999 animated special) -available now

Winslow the Christmas Bear(1995 family movie) -available now

The Wizard’sChristmas (2014 animated movie) -available now

The Wizard’s Christmas: Return of the Snow King (2014 animated movie sequel) -available now

Roku Channel

Christmas Eve(1947 movie starring George Raft) - available now

A Christmas to Remember (2015 movie starring Robin Givens) - available now

Joyeux Noel (2005 movie written/directed by Christian Carion) - available now

Mixed Nuts (1994 movie starring Steve Martin) - available now

Shelby: The Dog Who Saved Christmas (2014 movie starring Chevy Chase) - available now

Hoopla

48 Christmas Wishes (2017 movie starring Liam MacDonald and Clara Kushnir) (Trailer) - available now

Abbott & Costello Christmas Show (1955 Christmas special) - available now

All American Christmas Carol (2013 movie starring Beverly D’Angelo) - available now

The American St. Nick (2015 documentary) - available now

An All Dogs Christmas Carol (1998 animated movie) - available now

Apollo 8: Christmas at the Moon (2003 documentary) - available now

Babar and Father Christmas (1986 animated special) - available now

Babes in Toyland (1996 movie starring Keanu Reeves and Drew Barrymore) - available now

Back to Christmas (2014 made-for-TV movie) - available now

The Bear Who Slept Through Christmas (1973 animated special) - available now

Believe (2017 Santa documentary) - available now

Beyond Christmas (1940 colorized movie classic starring Harry Carey) - available now

Caillou’s Holiday Movie (2003 animated movie based on the PBS series) - available now

Candles in the Dark (1993 Macimillian Schell movie) - available now

Charles Dickens: A Christmas Carol (1982 animated movie) - available now

Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol (2012 Jason Figgis movie) - available now

Chasing Christmas (2005 made-for-TV movie starring Tom Arnold) - available now

A Child’s Christmas (2008 British animated special, narrated by Matthew Rhys) - available now

A Child’s Christmas in Wales (1987 movie starring Denholm Elliott) - available now

The Chosen (2018 special telling the story of the first Christmas) - available now

A Christmas Carol (1935 movie classic starring Seymour Hicks; colorized version a.k.a. Scrooge) - available now

A Christmas Carol (2002 animated movie starring Tim Curry and Whoopi Goldberg) - available now

A Christmas Carol (2015 Canadian movie starring Simon Baker) - available now

Chirstmas & Co. (2017 French family film) - available now

The Christmas Elves (2016 animated special) - available now

Christmas Eve (2015 movie starring Patrick Stewart) - available now

Christmas in Hollywood (2014 children’s film, a Chinese co-production) - available now

A Christmas in New York (2017 Nathan Ives movie) - available now

Christmas in New York (2005 animated special) - available now

Christmas in Wonderland (2007 made-for-TV movie starring Patrick Swayze) - available now

Christmas Lilies of the Field (1979 made-for-TV sequel starring Billy Dee Williams) - available now

Christmas Miracle at Sage Creek (2005 made-for-TV movie starring David Carradine) - available now

Christmas on the Coast (2017 movie starring Julie Ann Emery) - available now (Trailer)

Christmas Panic (2016 animated special set in the Town Called Panic universe) - available now

Christmas Perfection (2018 made-for-TV movie starring Caitlin Thompson, James Henri-Thomas and Robbie Silverman) - available now

The Christmas Stallion (1992 movie starring Peter Edwards) - available now

The Christmas Star (1986 Disney movie) - available now

The Christmas Wife (1988 made-for-TV movie starring Jason Robards) - available now

Christmas with the Kranks (2004 movie starring Tim Allen) - available now

A Christmas Without Snow (1980 made-for-TV movie starring John Houseman and Michael Learned) - available now

Clara’s Ultimate Christmas (2016 family movie) - available now

Cooper’s Christmas (2010 movie starring Jason Jones, Sam Bee and Dave Foley) - available now

Cosmic Christmas (1977 animated special) - available now

Darkest Night (2013 holiday horror film) - available now

Disneyland Around the Seasons (1966 TV special) - available now

Elf-Man (2012 movie starring Mackenzie Astin) - available now

Getting to the Nutcracker: The Making of a Christmas Classic (2014 documentary) - available now

The Gift of the Magi (2001 live-action special) - available now

Great British Baking Show: Christmas Masterclass (2016 special) - available now

The Great Rupert a.k.a. A Christmas Wish (1950 movie starring Jimmy Durante) - available now

Guess How Much I Love You: Christmas to the Moon and Back (2017 animated special) - available now

Gumby’s Christmas Capers (2014 animated special) - available now

Happy Christmas (2014 movie starring Anna Kendrick) - available now

The Happy Elf (2005 animated special starring Harry Connick Jr.) - available now

The Heart of Christmas (2011 made-for-TV movie starring Candace Cameron Bure) - available now

I Believe in Santa Claus (1984 French children’s movie, dubbed in English) - available now

Inspector Gadget Saves Christmas (1992 animated special) - available now

Jack Frost (1997 holiday horror film) - available now

Jingle Hell (2000 movie starringJames Brennan) - available now

The Least of These: A Christmas Story (2018 movie starring Tayla Lynn) - available now (Trailer)

Love at the Christmas Table (a.k.a. Christmas Love Story,2013 made-for-TV movie starring Danica McKellar) - available now

Lovely, Still (2010 movie starring Martin Landau, Elizabeth Banks and Ellen Bustyn) - available now

Mandie and the Forgotten Christmas (2011 children’s movie) - available now

Meet John Doe (1941 Frank Capra classic starring Barbara Stanwyck and Gary Cooper)

Mercy Christmas (2017 holiday horror film) - available now

Midnight Clear (2007 movie starring Stephen Baldwin) - available now

Mister Scrooge To See You (2013 movie that imagines what happened after A Christmas Carol) - available now

A Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa (2008 movie) - available now

My Dad is Scrooge (2015 children’s movie) - available now

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Christmas That Almost Wasn’t (2017 special) - available now

The Night Before Christmas (2016 animated special) - available now

Noel (2014 movie starring Penelope Cruz and Paul Walker) - available now

Nutcracker: The Motion Picture (1986 Pacific Northwest ballet performance) - available now

The Nutcracker Sweet (2015 animated movie starring Alicia Silverstone) - available now

One Christmas (1994 movie starring Katherine Hepburn and Henry Winkler,based on the Truman Capote story) - available now

Pixi Saves Christmas (2018 animated special) - available now

Red Boots for Christmas (1995 animated special) - available now

Red Skelton Christmas Classics (1955 variety specials highlights) - available now

The Ride (2012 faith-based film) - available now

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964 camp classic) - available now

Santa’s Christmas Circus (1966 Whizzo the Clown special) - available now

Santa’s Christmas Crash (1995 animated special) - available now

Santa’s Christmas Snooze (1995 animated special) - available now

Saving Christmas (2014 film created by Kirk Cameron dubbed the “worst movie of all time”) - available now

The Secret of the Nutcracker (2015 movie starring Janelle Jorde) - available now

Shelby (2015 movie starring Chevy Chase and Tom Arnold) - available now

Sick for Toys (2018 holiday horror movie) - available now (Trailer)

Snowmance (2017 made-for-TV movie starring Ashley Newbrough) - available now

Snowmeggdon (2011 made-for-TV holiday disaster movie) - available now

Some Girls (1988 movie starring Jennifer Connelly) - available now

The Tangerine Bear (2000 animated special starring Jonathan Taylor Thomas) - available now

The Side Show Christmas (2008 animated special) - available now

This is Christmas(2018 holiday film directed by Joseph Rassulo) - available now

Three Wise Guys (2006 movie starring Judd Nelson and Tom Arnold) - available now

Tiny Christmas (2017 made-for-TV family movie starring Riele Downs and Lizzy Greene) - available now

The Toys That Saved Christmas (1996 animated movie) - available now

The Truth About Christmas (2018 made-for-TV movie starring Kali Hawk) - available now (Trailer) ****Review****

Unlikely Angel (1996 made-for-TV movie starring Dolly Parton) - available now

A Very Merry Cricket (1973 animated classic) - available now

Wild Kratts: A Creature Christmas (2015 animated Christmas special) - available now

Kanopy

Black Christmas (1974 holiday horror film) -available now

Charles Dickens: A Christmas Carol (1982 animated movie) - available now

Christmas, Again (2014 movie written and directed by Charles Poekel) - available now

Christmas in New York (2005 animated special) - available now

A Christmas Story Documentary: Road Trip For Ralphie (2008 documentary about the classic Christmas film) - available now

Dreaming of a Jewish Christmas (2017 documentary) - available now

Getting to the Nutcracker: The Making of a Christmas Classic (2014 documentary) - available now

Rare Exports: A Christmas tale (2010 holiday horror movie) - available now

The Silent Partner (1978 movie starring Elliott Gould) - available now

A Street Cat Named Bob (2016 British movie based on the book) - available now

The Store (1983 Neiman-Marcus documentary) -available now

Wild Kratts: A Creature Christmas (2015 animated Christmas special) - available now

57 notes · View notes

Shrek 2 and Shrek the Third

as far as I know, the king wasn't the most powerful figure in Far Far Away, no, that title went to the Fairy Godmother, and so she sought to have her son Charming marry Fiona to make her own power legal

so in effect Shrek the Third is a variant of this plot; with his mommy gone, Charming rallies villains and usurps the throne

Shrek, the dead king's son in law who does consider himself unfit to be a dad let alone run a kingdom, seeks a more trustworthy and especially more human substitute in Arthur

because between Shrek and Charming many denizens of Far Far Away would actually still prefer Charming despite all that happened in Shrek 2

When the last king died you usurped the throne and exiled their heir. Knowing how these stories usually play out, you expected them to return to challenge you for the throne. What you did not expect was that almost everyone would stand behind you against the dead king’s child.

5K notes · View notes

I know who King Arthur is!! I didn’t realise he had a last name like pEndRaGoN... let that pen drag on

Okay well I’m glad you at least know who King Arthur is lol. Yes his last name is Pendragon, he’s the son of Uther Pendragon. Shrek is the last place I would have expected someone to learn about the Arthurian legend, but there you go haha. Since you didn’t know his name I’m guessing you haven’t seen BBC’s Merlin, so you might want to check that out ;) Not that it’s accurate to the legends at all, but at least it’s entertaining and gives you some “family friendly” aspects of the legends.

1 note · View note

The older generation

Wendy. Straight. Divorced. Now dating the shrek version of King Arthur. 46 years old

John. Bi. Wife couldn’t cope so she left him and took the kids to New York. He’s now married to a guy called Casey who has a ten month old son from a previous relationship. Called Casey junior (like the train from dumbo). Casey was once in a playground marriage with Wendy’s daughter. She was five. He was nine. Due to the insanity of the previous royal family. The marriage was legal. John has two sons. Ashton who is gay. And topher who is straight. Ashton is now Dating Jack Frost from rise of the guardians. John is 42 years old

Michael. Gay. Died in the Middle East. He stopped a war never meant to end so now the fabric of reality is torn and all the cartoons are real and kicking. Hence the plot set up. Never came out to his family in life. Thankfully his mother and grandfather are where he is now. And as long as he’s happy they don’t mind. Michael would be 38. If he hadn’t died. So he’s eternally 22.

Slightly. Forever eighteen. Omnisexual. Plays clarinet in a jazz club. Widowed. Childless. He will literally try anything once. Has the hugest crush on morbo the alien news anchor from futurama

Nibs. Straight. Two sons. Office worker. 39

Marmaduke and Dinky. (Read Peter Pan in scarlet). The twins. Each have their own pairs of twin boys. Accountants. 38.

Curly. Paediatric surgeon. Two sons. 37

Tootles. Overweight. High court judge. Only has one daughter. His oldest crossed a line and was offed for her transgression. 32

1 note · View note

NCT Shrek AU

I was requested to do this and YOU BETTER FUCKING BET IMMA DO IT. Enjoy~

Taeil: Merlin (confused old man)

Hansol: Prince Charming (good looking but doesn’t get the attention he wants)

Johnny: The Giant Gingerbread Man (tall)

Taeyong: The Fairy Godmother (Incharge of a lot of things and her son stresses her out)

Yuta: Lord Farquaad (flirtatious and likes to impress the people)

Kun: Queen Lillian (seems very sensible but will kick your ass without a thought)

Doyoung: Pinocchio (WILL EXPOSE YOU)

Ten: Gwen (that attitude is unreal and very pretty)

Jaehyun: Shrek (meme)

WinWin: Puss’n’boots (is very cute but will manipulate and mess you’re shit up)

Jungwoo: Princess Fiona (very pretty but will probably mess you up when threatened)

Yukhei: That One Guy (we barely see him but he is amazing)

Mark: Arthur Pendragon (good looking, very awkward and the biggest loser)

Renjun: King Harold (seemed nice at first but has dark secrets we don’t know and at the end of the day just wishes the best)

Jeno: Doris (kinda manly and loved by everyone or else you’re dead)

Donghyuck: Donkey (will roast you to hell and clingy but one of the most loved)

Jaemin: Dragon ( we didn’t see them a lot but was amazing and strong and fabulous)

Chenle: Snow White (Has a nice voice, savage as hell and will SCREAM ILL YOUR EARS BLEED)

Jisung: Gingy (smol, will roast you to your grave and as sweet as sugar)

I have so much regret but at the same time I feel like I have completed my purpose in life. @haechannie @nct-would

3K notes · View notes

While we’re on the topic of Shrek, who’s the Fairy Godmother?

Based purely on looks, class, and style? Miss Grimshaw. THINK about Susan in a red sparkling dress perched on a piano singing I need a hero. Mrs. Braithewait (fuck spelling) is good to be a female antagonist tho. And I’m sure she has a son she’d want reader to marry instead of a common bred outlaw like arthur

13 notes · View notes

Cross Life Chapter Ten

Summary: Moving across the pond was supposed to signify new beginnings for the Kirkland family. Arthur’s parents seemed to take that a bit too literally for his liking.

Chapter Index

This was moved from my old account

“Arthur? Are you almost finished?�� His mother’s voice was muffled as she rapped on the door to the bathroom in three quick successions, the tone of her voice showing that she was growing impatient.

He took a sharp breath as he buttoned up his sleeve, his breeches cutting into his thighs as he twisted. “Yes, in just a second.” Arthur reached for his shoes, wincing at how terribly tight everything was. Sure, the tailor had told him it was supposed to be this way, but in her own words, “It’s only supposed to be a bit snug”.

Arthur felt as if he were about to pop, as if all his insides would come oozing out in a bloody and chunky smoothie.

The tile was freezing cold under his stockings, making him shiver, taking in another sharp breath. The shoes were easy enough to put on, the heel cap short enough that he could slip his feet in. His smallest toes rubbed against the sides, and would most likely cause a pair of nasty blisters, but Arthur figured that would stop once he broke them in.

Arthur made a quick glance in the mirror, cringing at what he saw. He told himself that everyone else was going to be wearing the same thing- or at least something similar- and that this was considered high fashion many centuries ago, but it did little to calm his ever-growing embarrassment.

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Arthur twisted the door handle, slowly pushing a small sliver open and sticking his head out.

Along with his family, Vlad and Lukas stood in the living room, tapping their feet with anticipation. They smiled upon seeing him, Vlad pushing himself off the wall and taking a step forward. Lukas look as if he were about to do the same, but stayed where he was. “C’mon out, Arthur. Can’t be that bad.”

Arthur snorted, shaking his head. “And that’s where you thought wrong.”

His mother frowned, tsking. She had been on her very best behavior while his friends were over, which thankfully meant no yelling and no looks of disappointment, but at times like theses, some of her true self slipped through. “Arthur, dear, stop being silly. Come out this instant.”

He huffed, stepping back to pull the door open. Their faces lit up as Arthur stepped out of the bathroom, the fabric between his thighs rubbing together.

His mother put her hand over her mouth, her face reddening. Her eyes became watery, and she quickly wiped the tears away before they could ruin her caked makeup. Arthur had to suppress a groan and an eye roll. If she was like this seeing him in a damn choir uniform, then he dreaded when graduation came around.

If they even went to his graduation, that is, considering their current pesky situation.

“Arthur… you look-”

“You look like an alternative coloring of Lord Farquaad from Shrek.”

“Shut up, Peter.”

He stuck his tongue out at Arthur, kicking his feet against the bottom of the sofa. Vlad chuckled at his actions, most likely being reminded of his own little brother, but was quickly cut off by a glare from Arthur.

Arthur’s mother shook her head, clucking her tongue. “Peter, don’t be rude.” Arthur’s eyes went wide, and if he wasn’t watching, he would’ve choked. It was rare that his mother would scold Peter for anything, even if important people visited, which made it even more surprising.

She walked up to Arthur, tugging down his tunic and picking a piece of lint off his puffy green and white striped sleeve. Straightening his hat- which was probably the only part of the costume that fit correctly- she ruffled up the feathers and took a step back, looking him up and down. And frowned.

Vlad and Lukas snickered as she licked her thumb, setting her hand on Arthur’s shoulder to keep him still. The latter grimaced as she rubbed it across his cheek, erasing whatever trivial spot she found, leaving behind a sticky, slimy trail.

“There. That’s better.” She put her other hand on his free shoulder, shaking him a bit. Her smile was soft, warm, like it used to be when she looked at him, and when she spoke, she whispered, quiet enough that only he could hear. For once, she wasn’t screaming at him from across the house. “Don’t listen to your brother.” She brushed some of his hair away from his face, her fingers soft and gentle. “He’s just jealous at how handsome you look. He wants desperately to be like you.”

Arthur snorted, shaking his head. “I somehow doubt that.” He made sure to be as quiet as she was, if not more so.

Shaking her head, her smile grew as she walked backwards towards Arthur’s father, a few of her teeth showing.

The living room fell silent, everyone staring at Arthur with various amounts of awe on their faces. Everyone expect for Peter, who had left mumbling about how he hoped Arthur would do something- go to hell, most likely- and pouting.

Lukas watched as Peter walked away, navigating around the various pieces of furniture, and running up the stairs, an unreadable expression across the former’s face. He turned his attention to Vlad when he spoke, the latter clapping his hands and rubbing them together. “So~, how does it feel?”

The room seemed to perk up, seemed to lean in at Vlad’s question. His father drummed his fingers against the arm of the armchair, his eyebrow raised. A telltale sign that he was actually interested in what he was listening to. A rare occurrence.

Arthur looked down, wiggling his toes in his shoes. The rough fabric of his stockings clung to his legs, his knees looking awkward and gangly. His sleeves rubbed against his side, causing a slight scratching sound each time he moved his arms. A collar of lace wrapped around his neck, engulfing most of his chin and lower jaw. Arthur would surely get a rash later, as it was rough, rubbing against wherever it touched. The only way he could describe his outfit was-

“Itchy.” Vlad’s eyes narrowed, Lukas’ brow furrowing as he cocked his head to the side. Huffing and rolling his eyes, Arthur cursed that he was being forced to clarify. Who knew the reaction he would get from his mother. “It feels itchy. The fabric does.”

His mother tsked, shaking her head. The unusual kindness that she had displayed not even minutes earlier was gone, eaten up by whatever demon was living inside of her. Arthur knew the only thing holding her anger back was the fact that they had friends over. “What do you mean, dear?” She smiled, batting her eyelashes. Her words were honeyed, hiding the venom. Arthur knew where to find it, though, from years and years of practice.

He shrugged, relishing in the pure annoyance that flashed through her eyes. It was always something amusing to see, despite what usually came after it. “I dunno. It just doesn’t… feel right.”

“Do you not like it?” There she was. Her true self was budding its head, slithering out of its disguise, regardless of who was with her. Vlad and Lukas sent quick, discreet glances laced with questions in her direction, their eyes narrowing. She was starting not to care, consequences be damned.

“I-”

“I’m sure he’ll get used to it. Eventually.” It was the first time Lukas had spoken since Arthur went into the bathroom. He had a small, serene smile on his face, similar to the others he had been sporting these past couple of weeks.

His mother whipped her head to him, her eyes cold, calculating. Planning. She reminded him of a green snake, observing- measuring and sizing up- her prey.

He only hoped that Lukas- and Vlad, too- would be smart enough to get out while they still could.

She nodded, her smile growing even sweeter. Taking a step back, his mother put her entire, unrelenting focus on Lukas. “Yes… I’m sure he will. Eventually.” She put extra emphasis on the last word, mocking him. Not that he would be able to tell, considering the fact that his mother’s had years of perfecting of perfecting her craft. What’s more, she learned from the very best: Arthur’s grandmother, the Wicked Witch of England.

Her heels clicked against the hardwood floor as she turned to Arthur, cocking her head to the side and folding her hands over her stomach. Arthur tensed his jaw, pursing his lips into a fine line bracing himself for the full brunt of whatever she was planning. “You’ll get used to the itchiness, won’t you, Arthur?”

This was a test, he knew it was. She was trying to see how he would react in front of his peers, in front of his friends. Whether he would stay calm when faced with her typical methods or resort to one of his “temper tantrums”. Of course, this was only the first part, and would be followed by many more, but Arthur had learned to spot these kinds of things from the moment the words come flooding from her mouth. She had been doing things like this since he was a kid, after all.

He smiled, giving her a simple nod. When he spoke, he made sure his words were kind, sweet, reassuring. The doting son to go along with the ever concerned mother. “Of course, I will. I’ll just have to wear it a few times, break it in.”

The two shared a look. One that, if it weren’t for Vlad and Lukas patiently standing next to them, smiling in a washed down version of the typical American fashion, would’ve become a long and grueling battle of wills. With a huff, his mother broke eye contact, Arthur relishing in the fact that he had won. For now.

Shaking her head and tsking, something that she had been doing many times these past months, she turned to face Arthur’s father. His nose was stuffed in a thick paperback, his fingers having slowed down to a soft tap, in rhythm with his foot. Her dress- calf length and floral, a pattern that seemed to be a staple for Kirkland family women- swished as she made a swift turn, wrapping around her leg. As she approached him, she tried to discreetly fix it, but failed miserably, glaring at Arthur and Vlad as they snickered.

“John?” His father answered with only a small nod and a huff. His mother had always found his non-verbal replies irritating, and had complained about it many times through Arthur’s life, and, once again not finding what she received satisfactory, tsked and snapped her fingers in his face. “John.”

Groaning, he leaned back in the chair, deadpanning. He closed his book with a snap, not before setting a flimsy receipt in the crease of his current page. Brushing strands of his thick red hair out of his face, he raised an eyebrow, his deep voice grumbling as he spoke. “What, dear?”

She crossed her arms, frowning. “Have you noticed your son’s new outfit?”

“I have.”

“And?”

“And?”

“And what do you think of it?”

Watching the two speak to each other, Arthur felt as if he were in a period drama, his parents a pair of templates copied straight from a Pride and Prejudice-style trope. He glanced over to Lukas and Vlad, giving the two an apologetic smile when he found them looking back. Arthur earned a reassuring grin and a nod in return.

He straightened up as his father turned his head to him, looking Arthur up and down. The latter tapped his foot, staring at the ceiling, his shoulders tense. He would gladly take Peter’s non-stop whining over this, or perhaps a weekend trip alone with his mother. It had always made him uneasy when he had his father’s unrelenting attention, that critical eye sweeping over him. It was uncomfortable, made him want to swiftly walk away and lock himself in his room or apologize, even if he did nothing wrong.

It made him remember, made him angry.

Opening his book again and situating himself in his chair, his father huffed, pushing his reading glasses up his nose. “It’s nice, I guess.” He crossed his legs, resuming his reading.

Rolling her eyes, his mother put her hands on her hips, cocking the latter to the side. She tapped her foot, her heel clacking against the hardwood flooring. Out of the corner of his eye, Arthur could see Lukas put a hand to his temple, rubbing it slowly. A pet-peeve, then.

“You guess? You guess it’s nice.”

“What else do you want me to say?”

Arthur took his chance and quickly stepped over to his friends, standing in the middle of them. “If they start yelling, we dart to my room,” he whispered. The chance was rather slim, but he had to have them be ready should it happen.

Vlad glanced at them, then at Arthur, then back at them. He put his hand on Arthur’s shoulder, leaning in to whisper with enough volume that Lukas would be able to hear as well. “Are they always like this?” He sounded… cautious. Wary. As if he were actually concerned for Arthur and his family.

Lukas cleared his throat before Arthur could answer, grabbing the latter’s arm and wrapping his hands around it. He leaned back, his voice even softer than Vlad’s. “When she looked at me, I saw my life start to flash before my eyes. It was terrifying.”

Arthur nodded, feeling a bucket of sympathy for his friend. “She sometimes has that effect, believe me.” Not entirely true for him, but it was different for others.

Vlad cleared his throat, and Arthur remembered the former’s question. He didn’t- no, couldn’t give the real answer, if only to reveal his family life and have to explain all the shallow ups and deep downs that came with it. And that might lead to having to explain why exactly they had chosen to move to America and what followed, something that he desperately wanted to avoid. So, he lied. “No, it doesn’t happen often. It’s rare, actually. Don’t worry, it usually boils down quickly, we’ve nothing to worry about.”

Vlad nodded, his eyes narrowed. Arthur’s reassurance didn’t seem to help ease his nerves at all, but he didn’t say anything else. Lukas’ grip around his arm tightened, his fingers surely leaving a mark.

“I don’t know, one would think that since we spent four hundred dollars on that damn costume-”

“I didn’t spend four hundred dollars. You did.”

Lukas froze, looking up at Arthur with wonder and surprise. “This thing cost four hundred?” He tugged Arthur’s sleeve, running his thumb along the bumpy fabric. He scrunched up his nose. “That could buy me a really good violin case.”

Vlad snorted. “That could get me a shelf’s worth of books.” The other two nodded at Vlad’s statement, rows and rows of special edition books flooding his mind.

He would have rather bought that, or at least some nice stationary and merchandise for various books he had read, instead of this scratchy heap of cloth. At least then he would actually use it for more than a year, whereas the fate of this costume was unknown the second the last note was sung of the final Madrigal concert.

The three watched as Arthur’s parents bickered, providing commentary when they felt like they needed it. From how tense she was, Arthur could tell that his mother was a few minutes from blowing her top off, and knew that his father wouldn’t be far behind once she started yelling.

He had to admit to himself that it was rather embarrassing for his friends to see such a side of his family, but was shut down when he tried to apologize for it. A normal family issue, they had called it as they started making bets on who would win. Although he thought it mental at first, Arthur quickly joined them, all the while quickly conjuring up a layout of the house, should they need to escape.

He had to admit, though, that his betting was a bit watered down, sullied by his exhaustion of dealing with their fights year after year. Arthur pretended to be enthusiastic, to overestimate his parents’ wrath, and thankfully they believed him. “My mum, definitely. She’s a force that can’t be stopped.”

Vlad leaned in front of Arthur, nodding his head in agreement to Lukas. “Definitely his dad.” He pursed his lips into a fine line, furrowing his brow. He stayed like that for a few seconds, before perking up and puffing up his chest, saying in a voice that even a wrestling announcer would seethe in jealously of, “The unstoppable force versus the immovable object.”

Arthur tipped his head back and cackled, not entirely caring about how loud he was or if his parents saw. Lukas giggled, covering his mouth with his free hand, his cheeks growing red.\

Confident with what turned out to be a successful bit at comedy, Vlad grinned, a little bit of teeth showing, huffing through his nose. He muttered something under his breath, so quiet that even though he was practically on top of Arthur, he could barely make out a single word. Arthur was sure it had something to do with “earning proper appreciation”, but he couldn’t be entirely sure.

The laughter died down, Lukas removing his hand from his mouth. “Oh god, I just can’t believe the way ya said that-”

“Boys?”

They looked up to see Arthur’s mother standing in front of them, her shoulders tense and chin high. Her face was a rosy pink, yet her eyes weren’t watery, so she was likely more furious than anything else. Arthur sincerely hoped that everything went smoothly and without a hitch for the rest of the evening, since he wanted to avoid one of her “venting session”, as she called it, as much as possible. And, by extension, a nasty headache.

Lukas released Arthur’s arm as soon as her eyes went to it, taking a step forward. “Is there anythin’ wrong, Mrs. Kirkland?” Arthur had to suppress a snort, rolling his eyes at the sweetness in Lukas’ words. He was sucking up to her after their previous interaction, it was obvious, but Arthur felt sorry for Lukas. If only because he had yet to learn that his mother would take names and smuggle grudges down to the bottom of her grave. And the fact that they didn’t know that they had wronged her, if only by association with Arthur.

Many, many times in the past, she had openly disagreed and mocked Arthur’s choices for friendship in his face and in front of his brothers, and while he hoped it would be different for Vlad and Lukas, it didn’t seem to be the case. She always found something wrong, whether it be taste in music and literature or something as trivial as they way they laughed. It never failed, she always hated every single one of his friends, unless, of course, it was someone she had arranged for him to meet with, and did any and everything she could to try and drive them away.

Sometimes, she had even succeeded in her mission. And while Arthur knew that if Vlad and Lukas didn’t want to associate with him anymore due to his psychopath of a mother, he would let them go and find someone else , but that didn’t mean that he wanted to.

Besides, he was too deep into the plan to have to suddenly find another set of allies.

When she smiled, it was a sweet, sarcastic little thing, one of her trademarks, and when she spoke, her words were filled with thinly veiled disgust and hate. “Oh, Lukas, don’t you worry your little self about it. It’s fine.”

Taking a few steps back, she took in a deep breath, her shoulders rising as she did so. If Vlad and Lukas weren’t there, Arthur would have no worries about saying that that was most likely why she was removed from the church choir back home. Of course, he had to think about them now, and the consequences of his mouth around them, so he would unfortunately have to save his witty comment for a later date.

She looked back and forth between the three of them, ignoring Arthur’s father as he abandoned his book on the coffee table and left the room, making his way towards the kitchen. Arthur would’ve thought that she had not noticed his departure, were it not for the footsteps thumping across the hardwood. They were loud enough that even the most distracted person in the world would snap up in a tizzy from whatever they were doing.

Just as she had done previously, his mother folded her hands across her stomach, and spoke, ever the queen addressing her court of rather questionable teenagers. “So, Arthur, I must say that you look simply dashing in that outfit of yours. You’ve always looked good in green.” He nodded once at her compliment, smiling only to keep her anger at bay. “I would like you to continue wearing it throughout the evening, you know, so you can get used to it. Eventually.”

Her smile grew at the last part, and she quickly glanced at Lukas, measuring his reaction to her mocking. The latter frowned, his cheeks turning red, but didn’t say anything. Smart.

Arthur nodded his head again, his smile growing smaller. He clenched his fist, not before hiding it behind the folds of his trousers. “Sure.”

She huffed, slightly shaking her head. A dismissal. “Vladimir and Lukas.” The former perked up, cocking his head to the side and giving her a smile with his teeth on full display. The latter slumped his shoulders, his face falling. “You two are staying over for the night, yes?”

Lukas let Vlad speak, the former crossing his arms. “Yes ma’am. If ya don’t mind, of course.”

“Not at all. And you’ve notified your parents?” It was subtle, but Arthur knew she was referring back to the night of Lukas’ date, when he hadn’t felt it necessary to inform her he was not coming home that evening. Not that his friends would know about that, but in his mother’s world, everyone was at fault.

While Lukas only nodded, and a bit timidly at that, Vlad’s smile grew wider, the skin around his eyes scrunching. “Yes ma’am, you’ve got nothin’ to worry about.’

“Fantastic. I’ll go and make sure that we make enough food.” And with that, she was off, clicking down the hallway and towards the kitchen, the fabric of her dress fluttering behind her.

Arthur cringed, pulling at his stockings, goosebumps rolling up his arms as it let it go. His friends remained silent, Lukas breathing in as the mood of the living room began to grow lighter and lighter.

“Arthur.” Vlad’s smile faded, falling into a frown, his posture slumping.

He deadpanned. “Yes”

“I hope ya don’t get offended with me saying this, but yer mother’s bat-shit crazy.”

Lukas snorted. “Crazier than that.”

He supposed that since they were bluntly and openly insulting his own mother, he should feel offended and somewhat angry about it, but Arthur couldn’t help but agree more.

Over his many, many years in the Kirkland family, Arthur had quickly learned that while his mother valued her reputation, she cared about her curiosities and uncalled-for theories more. It was one of the few things that matched between the two of them, though this particular trait usually did the former more damage than anything good.

Arthur took a sip from his glass, his teeth scraping against the glass. He swirled his water around as if it were fine wine, chunks of solid ice crinkling around. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see his father’s grip tighten around the handle of his fork, but payed no mind to it, sentencing him to deal with it. The noise wasn’t even that loud, but his father had a twig up his ass at best, and found anything that Arthur or his brothers did to be mildly annoying.

“Mrs. Kirkland, this casserole is wonderful.” Vlad took another bite, smiling as he chewed. He circled his fork above his plate, waiting until he swallowed to swoop in for another mouthful. A bit of rice fell onto his shirt, but he picked it off quickly, discreetly glancing around to see if anyone noticed.

His mother smiled, setting her silverware down to fold her hands onto her lap. She cocked her head to the side, nodding in thanks and appreciation, Arthur already knowing what she was going to say before she even opened her mouth. “Thank you, Vladimir. It was a recipe my grandmother taught me when I was around Peter’s age.” She motioned to her youngest son sitting across from Vlad with a swift wave of her hand. “I always try to make it when we have a few guests stay over for dinner, to see what they think of it.”

Peter snorted, covering his mouth, fork still in hand, when their father sent a look in his direction. Their mother’s smile didn’t deflate a single bit, as she didn’t even give any indication that she noticed Peter, staring at Vlad with the utmost intensity.

The latter’s, however, faltered just a tiny bit, boosting up back at full force as he nodded. “Oh, really?” He took in a deep breath, letting it out through his mouth, his chest shaking as he did so. “Well, that’s always nice, I guess. Trying to keep the tradition up and runnin’.”

Arthur considered revealing the truth to the table, that she had actually ripped the recipe off the Internet a few years ago and claimed it her own for a sense of self-importance, but decided against it. If only to spare himself from the storm that would brew up only seconds afterward.

His mother nodded, perking up, and thanked Vlad. As what usually happened when such an occurrence came up, her smile turned smug, and she glanced at the ceiling, basking in her new-found attention. Arthur hoped it wouldn’t be too bad, and would be- unfortunately for him- about Peter, but such luck never seemed to be with him these days.

“You know, I have a funny story involving this casserole and Arthur.” She looked at him, her face loving and kind, though if you looked close enough, you could see that it didn’t reach her eyes.

Arthur could feel the color leech from his face, and he clenched his fists under the table, careful not to let anyone else see. She was going back to that one. He had asked her multiple times to stop telling the story, especially in front of people that he liked, but here she was, about to spill it out all over again.

He took a deep breath, cocking his head to the side, his smile tense and back stiff. “Mum, I don��t think that this is a good-”

She shook her head, lips pursed into a fine line. And right at that moment, Arthur realized that this was the beginning of the second part of her test. The vile woman. How cruel of her, to reveal the more angrier moments of his past into the light when he had purposefully and skillfully covered them these past couple of months. “Arthur, it’s not too bad. It was years ago, and it goes perfectly with out dinner pallet.”

He glared at her with what he hoped to be enough hate to make a small child cry. She stayed the same, persistent, didn’t do anything to show that she was affected by it.

Lukas looked back and forth between the two, sitting at Arthur’s right and his mother’s left from the head of the table. Before, when everyone was sitting at their various spots, the former balked when the only remaining seat was right next to her, and had mostly kept silent throughout the dinner. Until now, apparently, when he d3decided to make their current situation that much worse. “Er, if you don’t mind, Mrs. Kirkland, I would like to hear yer story.”

Arthur suppressed a groan, sending a deadpan expression in his friend’s direction. The fool had no idea what he had cause just by saying those handful of words, and he probably wouldn’t get it until it was too late. “Too late” being the second after she finished humiliating Arthur.

His mother perked up, clapping her hands then lacing her fingers together. Peter scooted his chair forward, leaning in and setting his elbows on the table, already knowing what she was going to say as much as Arthur did. The thing was, the former enjoyed it- still getting a degree of amusement out of it, even after hearing it so many times- and regularly asked for it to be repeated, unlike the latter.

Tapping her fingers against the wooden dining room table, her stylishly manicured nails making an irritating clicking sound, her words were slow and emphasized as she spoke, pouring a bag of salt into the wound she was viciously ripping open. “Well, it was around the time when Arthur was in- what you you Americans call it? Year… Freshman year. Yeah.”

Arthur tipped his head back and groaned, knowing that once she started, there was no way he could effectively get her to stop.

She frowned at him, lightly clucking her tongue, before dismissing him with a wave of her hand. “Anyways, at that time, Arthur’s older brothers were still at home. All four of them are currently in uni back home in England, but that’s besides the point.” She picked up her fork, pushing the almost untouched food around her plate, Arthur wincing at the scrapes and scratches as she spoke. “Arthur has never really gotten along with his brother Dylan-”

“They practically hate each other!”

“Yes, thank you, Peter. Anyway, they were getting into a nasty argument one evening, over something that was so trivial that I don’t even remember what it was, and a few moments prior I had just taken this casserole out of the oven and had set it on the table.”

Arthur closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. The moment of truth, the time when the gates that were his mother’s mouth would open and out would come the things that would mercilessly smear the reputation that he had so carefully and painstakingly built up with his friends.

Not because he was ashamed of it, of course. He looked back at his past, his hard-earned and bravely faced accomplishments with pride. He praised them each time a memory popped into his mind, reliving each moment detail by detail, remembering the smells and the sounds, noting what he could’ve done better and smiling at the highlights. Each of his “outbursts” were wonderful, beautiful. They were his to cherish and his alone.

However, in front of his friends, with the way they considered and thought of him, this story would do damage. A lot of damage that he couldn’t take. Which was something that he could surely- and preferably- go without.

Of course, she didn’t see it that way, nor did Peter, the little fool, for that matter, as she continued the second Vlad and Lukas nodded, giving her their full, undivided attention. Arthur considered telling them that it was nothing they wanted to hear, and it was an old story with no significance anymore, but figured that that would only peak their curiosity. He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms and huffing, watching as his mother ruined everything he had so far worked for this school-year.

“By then, they had turned almost violent, and their yells could be heard from the kitchen. Since I new no one else was going to do it-” She sent a quick glare towards Arthur’s father, who was eating and didn’t pay her any mind. She frowned. “I made my way to the dining room to stop them, and right as I walked in, Arthur grabbed the back of Dylan’s neck, or maybe it was his head, and dunked him face-first into the casserole.”

Arthur sunk into his chair as the room fell silent, dropping his fork to rub his temples. He waited for the looks that he often got after she got to the climax of the story, the ones filled with disgust and disappointment and shock. The ones that would grow worse and worse and she began to tell even more, going into an analysis of Arthur’s life in England. The ones that were prior to the averted eyes, stuttering, and general awkwardness. The ones that led to those “friends” of his quickly fading out of his life, gone faster than they came.

He had to say, it was nice knowing Lukas and Vlad while they had their short run together.

Her smile grew into a cocky little thing as she leaned back in her chair, taking a sip of her beverage. When she noticed Arthur was staring at her, his mouth etched into a sneer and his brow furrowed, she shook her head, lightly tsking.

His fingernails formed dents in his hands as multiple vulgar insults passed through his mind, most- no, all of them not something you would want to say in front of your mother. Arthur supposed that they would be worse, considering he wanted to say them to her. But with what she had just done, cussing her out like he oh-so desperately wanted to do probably wasn’t the best thing, and would do more bad and good.

But it would feel so, so good while he did it.

What had to be even more surprising than the events of this evening was when Lukas- Lukas, of all people- broke out into a howl, his shoulders and stomach shaking. He cupped his head between his hands, his fingers messing up the hair that covered the side of his face as they rubbed up and down.

Vlad quickly followed, covering his mouth as bits of water spilled out. He shook his head vigorously, lightly tapping his free hand against the table, his laughter muffled. He swallowed his water, not without struggle, and joined Lukas in his shrieking.

A soft tint of cherry red spread across their faces, Lukas wiped a tear from the corner of his eye, and then the other. It was shocking, Arthur seeing the exact opposite of the reaction he had anticipated, had figured would happen. He couldn’t help but grin, then break into a full-blown smile, teeth and all, berating himself for thinking them to be like all the others.

His mother looked more taken back than Arthur felt, her eyes wide and smile faltering. Slowly setting down her glass, she straightened her back, taking in a deep breath, and cocked her head to the side. She watched the two laugh, and eventually Arthur when he joined them, her jaw tense and her eyes cold and hard. Her plan, her method that had been tried-and-true more times than Arthur could count, had backfired at its most basic level.

It was amusing to think about it, really. To see her so angry about her failure to continue ruining his life. Arthur could only compare it to a toddler who didn’t get the toy after causing a tantrum in the store, which only made her seem so much more pathetic.

Vlad’s laughter died down just enough to where he could get a coherent sentence out. It took a few tries, however, as every time he got out a string of words, he burst into another fit. Eventually, he spit out his sentence, literally, his words bunched together. If Arthur hadn’t been listening so intently, he’s sure he would’ve missed it. “And then what happened next?”

Lukas nodded his head, smiling and giggling with enthusiasm. The two leaned in, Vlad propping his head on the palm of his hand, drumming the fingers of his free hand against the table with impatience.

Arthur rolled his shoulders back, smirking, feeling smug. He glanced up at the ceiling, just as his mother had done earlier, studying the wrinkles and creases that covered it as he uncovered the memory. Tapping his finger against his chin, making sure to go agonizingly slow, Arthur took his time as he told the rest of the story. “Well, Dylan’s face was covered, and he was screaming bloody murder. The neighbors even came over later, thought that we were being abused or something like that.” He chuckled, a quick glance to his mother showing her rolling her eyes and shaking her head, muttering something under her breath. She frowned when he snorted. “And, since the casserole had been tainted with Dylan’s disgusting face, it’s not like anyone was going to eat it.”

The two nodded, grinning as they listened. Peter was laughing breathlessly in his seat, and shook his head as he reached for one of the large serving platters that lined the middle of the table. His arm shook as he carried it over, and though Arthur’s father put down his fork for once to try and help him, Peter waved him off, making a whiny comment about how he could do it himself. He received only a huff and a shake of the head as a reply.

Arthur watched their exchange, suppressing a snort at his little brother’s antics. He snapped out of it, rolling his neck back, before continuing. “Of course, he was livid, though he’s hotheaded to begin with so that didn’t really make much difference. Anyway, he grabbed the dish, which had his face printed into it, and threw it at me.” He made a throwing motion with his arm, reenacting it, his fingers tensed and curled.

Their eyes widened, mouths gaping. Lukas shook his head, taking in a sharp breath, giving Arthur a concerned look. “Did it hit you?”

Arthur’s smirk grew, and he chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. He remembered his other brothers cackling as they watched, cheering them on and placing bets n when their “fight” would turn even more physical. And even though his mother pinpointed that moment as one of the “starts of all their problems in the poor Kirkland family”, it made Arthur feel good. It made him feel like he had finally done something right. To him, at least. “No, it didn’t. I ducked just in time for it to fly over my head. It hit the wall and smashed into pieces, though.”

His mother snorted, scooping helpings of food onto her plate and Lukas’. The latter sent wary glances in her direction as she did so, but still paid attention to Arthur. “And I’m sure you boys could guess who got the honor of cleaning that up.” She scowled at that, her mood souring.

Peter frowned, looking up from his plate and to his mother. “But mum, if I remember correctly, you left the room yelling about how you were done with us and Allistor was the one who had to clean-”

“Quiet, Peter.”

Vlad chucked, but returned to his food upon receiving a glare from her. Arthur snickered at that, shaking his head at his friend.

Lukas straightened his back against the dining chair, grinning as he turned to Arthur. “Please don’t tell me that that’s the only store ya got like that.”

He opened his mouth to speak, to suggest that they move on and focus on a different, less suspension-riddled topic, but his mother cut him off before he could get a single word out. “Actually, that was one of the more mild ones.”

Lukas and Vlad’s eyes widened and their brows shot up as Arthur glared at her. Compared to some other ones, the dreaded casserole story was like Arthur giving a lolli to a baby. Of course, they never needed to know the worst of the bunch, and never would, if Arthur had anything to do with it, but that would mean keeping his mother in check. Something that he had never been able to do.

Vlad took a quick sip from his glass. “Really?”

Her smug smirk was back, and with the attention of the table being returned to her, she rolled her shoulders back, giving sparing looks at each person seated. “Indeed. Arthur’s good behavior and tasteful clothing has only been… recent.” She put extra emphasis and nodded once at the last word, raising her glass and circling it. “In the past, calling him unpleasant was possibly the largest understatement you could think of.”

Arthur deadpanned, holding back a cruel insult. How dare that woman insult him while, at the very same time, congratulating herself for her “accomplishments” of “taming” him? It was distasteful, and while he knew this was her he was talking about, Arthur expected even a little better.

Lukas turned his focus to Arthur, looking him up and down with an inquisitive eye. “Well, I’ve noticed those two little holes under his lip-”

“Oh. Those were piercings. He forged my signature and got them without permission. Among other things, of course.”

Arthur let out a huff as Lukas’- along with Vlad’s, for that matter- eyes grew even wider, sinking into his chair. At the time, he thought his actions completely justified, and he still did. His mother had been vehemently against it, complaining about how it would lead him into trouble later on, but had no problem with letting his brother take money out of the swear jar for his cigarette addiction. Let them pay for the lung cancer and see how they liked it.

Vlad looked impressed, pursing his lips and nodding. “That type of piercing, what’s it called?”

“Snake bites.”

Another nod.

Sensing the conversation turning into a directions he found undesirable, his mother cleared her throat, rolling his stiff shoulders back and holding her chin up. “They were awful. Every time you looked at him, your eyes went straight to them. My friends would comment to me about them all the time and-”

He rolled his eyes as she went on and on, talking about how much of an embarrassment he was to her in her various social groups. Arthur took a sharp breath, letting it out harsher than he intended to, earning a glare from his father. A warming.

As if he would ever take it.

Vlad and Lukas listened along as she announced her woes, her frustrations of having a son who turned out oh-so wrong when she had only a mountain level of high expectations. Who “only had to follow his brothers’ examples, get into playing football, having good grades, and then just easily succeed like that”, but had to end up the way he was. Who would give her a near heart attack every time she saw the school’s number calling her cell phone. The son who was the bad crop of the bunch, and how she “figured that with six sons, at least one of them had to turn out bad”, which happened to be him, of all of them.

Arthur stayed silent throughout her rant, his blood boiling. Multiple violent outcomes of this situation swimming through his mind. Not a single one of them ended well for him. Whether it was prompting an outburst from his mother, going off on her and ruining the progress he’d made with his friendships, or having a later screaming match after they left. None of them were desirable, none of them made him erupt with excitement.

As she went on, his friends’ faces went from curious to angered to offended. From what Arthur could tell, really. Vlad’s brow was furrowed, his shoulders stiff and mouth gaped. Lukas’ lips were pursed, his eyes cold and hard. It surprised Arthur, to see them this angry for him, and it felt nice. Amazing. This had never happened before, never, with most agreeing with his mother. He had gotten used to it happening.

But this. This was so much better.

Vlad shook his head vigorously, throwing away most of his impeccable manners in favor of cutting Arthur’s mother off. “Excuse me, ma’am, but that isn’t how I see Arthur at all. From the time I’ve known him, he’s been nothin’ but kind and respectful.”

Lukas leaned against the table and looked over Arthur, nodding at Vlad. He then turned to her, shaking his head, mouth forming into a subtle sneer. “And if that’s how you view your own son, if that’s what you really think of him, then you need to stop looking at him as the problem and turn the mirror onto yourself.”

Arthur sunk even further in his chair, his shoulders raised to the level of his chin. He looked tot he end of the table, measuring the reactions of Peter and his father. The former had frozen completely, staring at his plate, eyes wide and jaw dropped to the floor. He slowly raised his head, looking between Lukas and Vlad with awe, wonder, and just a bit of horror. The latter, however, being his usual self, kept eating, staying out of the conflict as he always tried to do.

What Arthur feared most was the reaction of his mother. She might not yell at his friends- no, she would never do that and risk her reputation, even if it was nonexistent in the states, but that didn’t mean that Arthur himself would be saved after they left. He was definitely going to be on the receiving end of a tongue thrashing tomorrow evening, or maybe the minute- the very second- the front door shut and they were out of the driveway, but the real situation was in the present.

Her jaw tensed, so much that he thought it would snap, and she smiled, one that dripped with hatred and frost and fire. One that told him that while she might let them into the house again after tonight, she would not do it without an argument, and would shun them from the moment their left feet stepped onto the hardwood of the entry hall.

She grabbed her glass, her fingers wrapping around it and gripping the ridges hard enough that her knuckles began to turn white. For a moment, Arthur thought she would throw it, and prepared to duck should it happen to come in his direction.

She looked straight at Lukas, her smile turning into more of a sneer. “That’s what you two think. So you just wait. I know my son, so you just wait, and once one thing goes wrong, once you slip up in even the tiniest way, then you’ll really know what your ‘kind and respectful’ friend is like.”

When she finished, the room fell silent, tensing. She gave each person at the table a look over, and when it was Arthur’s turn to be inspected, he could feel her already searing gaze grow hotter, and he felt relieved but sympathetic when it moved on to Vlad.

In one of her very own temper tantrums, one that could rival Arthur’s worse, she stood, the wood of her chair scrapping against the floor. She grabbed the folded cloth napkin that had sat on her lap, throwing it onto the table with an angered grunt. It flapped against her plate, which still had food piled up on it. He cringed, knowing that it would stain

“I am done with all of you.” She spat out each word, her chest jumping up and down as she heavily breathed. “All of you!”

Her heels clicked as she stomped out of the dining room, cursing and ranting to herself, though Arthur would be lying if he said he didn’t hear every single word. He was, along with everyone else in the dining room, frozen in place and silent, listening to the heavy thumps from the stairs to the second floor, and then the eventual slam of a bedroom door.

He didn’t move, didn’t think at all, just replaying the past ten minutes over and over and over again. Arthur should have expected it, should have seen the rapidly blinking signs, should have stopped it when he could. But no, he had to let it happen, had to sit there like a damned fool as a known active volcano blew her top, spewing her lava on anyone in a limited radius. Idiot. He was an idiot.

Picking up his glass, Peter took a sip from his drink, making sure the noise could be heard throughout the room. When he finished, he pulled his lips away just a tiny bit, his voice deeper than it usually was. “Well, that was awkward.”

Arthur’s father grunted in agreement, before continuing to eat.

The three quietly filed into Arthur’s room, Vlad and Lukas going to sit on the edge of his bed as he shut the door.

Following his mother’s rather embarrassing episode, Arthur figured it best to get them out of the dining room. Ushering them out of the dining room, he left his father and Peter to clean up the dishes- ignoring their whining and protests- and made a beeline towards his bedroom. Sure, they were closer to her, but they were behind a close door. One that locked without any trouble, and had a connection bathroom. Arthur was also confident that at least one of them had snacks in their bag, and he had an electric kettle sitting on his desk along with a full box of tea, so they were set.

As the lock clicked in place, he left to join his friends, tossing his shoes into the corner, his bed groaning as he sat. Arthur stared at his toes, wiggling them in his stockings and tapping them together. From the corner of his eye, he could see his friends fidget and twiddle their thumbs, but didn’t say anything, and neither did they.

They sat there for a few minutes, the entire house silent. Waiting. When someone finally spoke, all three of them did it at the same time, their words bundled and rushed.

“I apologize for the behavior of my family tonight.”

“Oh, hell, I did somethin’ really stupid, didn’t I?”

“Arthur, I think yer mom’s gonna murder me in my sleep.”

They froze, looking back and forth between each other. Arthur deflated, hanging his head and shaking it side to side. What a disaster.

Vlad tipped his head back and laughed, flopping down on Arthur’s bed. He folded his arms under his head, his shirt rising to reveal a slip of soft stomach. “My lord. Did ya hear how she said that last part. It was like she was a witch and was gonna curse us.”

Lukas snorted. “Did y’all see the way she looked at me when I told her to turn the mirror on herself?”

“This was one of her good days,” Arthur added. Not entirely true, but at the moment, he was pissed off and wanted to blame her for his terrible mood. Making her seem like a bad guy was a good way to do it, he figured.

Vlad winced, taking in a sharp breath. “I feel sorry for ya, Art.” He moved his arms to pat his stomach, smacking it in a random rhythm. “I really do.”

He shook his head, cringing. That was one of the last things he wanted to hear. “Don’t be. She’s been this way for years and she’ll never stop. I’m just surprised she did it in front of you two, since she usually values herself more than humiliating me.”

Lukas shook his head, muttering something under his breath. It sounded like he was saying, “That isn’t right at all,” but Arthur couldn’t be entirely sure. And if he did say that, then he would have to agree, even though nothing about his family had ever been right.

Groaning, Arthur pushed against his knees, stretching his arms after he stood. The carpet was soft under his feet as he turned, folding his arms behind his back as he faced Vlad and Lukas. They looked up at him, expressions neutral and just a bit defeated, as if his mother had sucked all the life and energy out of them. Since they’d not yet gained their immunity to her, she probably had.

“So~.” Arthur clapped his hands together, locking his fingers and squeezing. Vlad watched as he did so, patting and rubbing his knees, a frown on his face. Lukas had his eyes closed, taking in deep breaths. “Are you guys still planning on staying over. If you don’t want to, that’s-”

Vlad shook his head, waving him off. Arthur had no idea what exactly he was dismissing, him staying over or the thought that he wouldn’t want to, but Arthur waited for him to clarify, cocking his head to the side and furrowing his brow.

“Yes?”

Vlad sighed, slumping. He chuckled, his smile returning, which was a relief. “Arthur. I’m not gonna ditch ya cause yer mother’s a psychopath.” Arthur’s eyes shot up, a smirk forming as Vlad perked up, waving his hands back and forth like his life depended on it. “I mean no offense, of course.”

Lukas snorted, crossing his arms. “Of course, ya don’t.” The two shared a look, one that Arthur didn’t bother to figure out, as it was gone before he could even start. Lukas broke into a smile, huffing, before turning his attention to Arthur. “I agree with him. Yer mom is… interesting, and even if she had her… thing, it’s not a valid reason to break our friendship.”

Arthur nodded, smiling, happy with the answers that he received. He turned, walking to his closet, and as he pulled the doors open, scanning for extra blankets and pillows, Lukas added:

“Oh, and I told my mom that I was stayin’ over and I don’t wanna call her to pick me up.”

He scowled as Vlad snickered, turning his head to give Lukas a look of distaste. The latter shrugged, a small smile on his face, looking away and shrinking into himself as Arthur deadpanned. Lukas took in a sharp breath, letting it out through his mouth, silently tapping his foot against the floor. “And because you’re one of my best friends, of course. Though it hasn’t been long, our friendship is valuable to me.”

Arthur smiled sarcastically, turning back to his closet. As he took a step inside, nudging some thrown-in junk with his foot, he spoke. “Thank you. That means a lot.”

His friends nodded and the three exchanged smiles, Arthur’s a bit more fake than the others. The last few minutes of that disastrous dinner kept replaying, and though they had said otherwise, Arthur couldn’t help but feel as if his mother had done some damage. Irreversible damage.

Arthur could’ve gotten them out of there. He could’ve shoved Vlad and Lukas up the stairs and into his room, plates in hand, promising to bring them down when they were done. But no, he had to sit there and watch as she cracked and snapped, attacking everyone as if she were a rabid honey badger. It only showed that he was losing his touch, losing that sense of his when shit was about to hit the fan.

They took turns going into the bathroom and changing into their pajamas, the two that were free pulling the blankets and pillows from Arthur’s closet and off his bed. Throwing them onto the floor in a giant heap, the three were set on making a makeshift bed, ignoring Arthur’s in favor of using it for their planned shenanigans for the evening. Even if they did decided to use it, it was too small to fit all three of them in it.

The carpet was plush, and comfortable enough that none of them would be waking up before the crack of dawn showed, complaining of back pain. Since they had only moved in during the height of summer, which wasn’t that long ago, the carpet was stain-free. Well, except for a minor tea spill back in August. But he’d gotten that cleaned up quickly and thoroughly, to the point where one would have to get down on their hands and knees to notice the stain.

Vlad unfolded one of the thinner blankets, laying it over the top of a thicker one. “So, what’re the plans for tonight?” He looked between Arthur and Lukas expectantly, pulling the corners of the blanket flat.

Arthur froze, looking up from his patting and stretching. “Uh…” He didn’t want to admit that he had not gotten that far, had not expected to get this far, so he racked his mind for something to do, Arthur said the first thing that popped up, acting nonchalant, as if he had it planned the first time he proposed them staying over. “I was thinking that maybe we could talk and read. Stuff like that.”

Lukas looked over to him, raising an eyebrow. Arthur smiled back, his eyes wide, sending over a silent message not to ask him anything about his answer. He received no reply in return.

Hanging his head and going back to what he was doing, Vlad talked as he worked. “That sounds like a good idea. I’ve got a new one to show y’all.” He stood, brushing invisible dust off his knees, looking over their little ensemble with a critical eye. Arthur did the same, and when he noticed that it was a bit flat and thin, cringed. Vlad followed suit, putting his hands to his hips and giving Arthur a wince. “You don’t happen to have any more blankets, do ya?”

Arthur nodded his head, rolling his shoulders back as he stood. They had a closet in the hallway, one that was filled with sheets and bedding for the guest room. He had thought of it earlier, had acknowledged it as a possible trip, but didn’t think they would need it. He had hoped they wouldn’t. “Yeah, we do. I’ll be right back.”

He padded to the door, putting his hand against the lock and freezing. Behind him, he could hear a confused noise and some shuffling, but he ignored it. A wave of thoughts ran through his mind, but he waved them all away, thinking himself pathetic. He twisted the lock and pulled the door open, light from the hallway pouring in.

Arthur shut the door on his way out, a soft click sounding as it connected with the doorway. He stood in his place for a second, blowing a deep breath out, carding his fingers through his hair. This entire evening was a mess.

His socks swished against the hardwood, the hem of his cotton pajama pants ghosting over his ankles as he walked. The closet was at the end of the hall, right next to his parents’ bedroom, so he would be able to sneak in-and-out quickly, should he stay quiet.

He wrapped his hands around the cold, metal handles, rubbing his thumb over the engraved patterns. It was smooth, his finger gliding over its dips and bends. He continued rubbing even as he pulled both doors open, wincing at the squeaky noise that was a result. They would definitely be putting something on that.

Knowing that someone likely heard the shriek of pain that the closet emitted, Arthur stepped inside, pushing up on the tips of his toes to reach the very top shelf. He grabbed onto the blanket at the very bottom, pulling it down with a hard yank.

Arthur shielded his head as piles and piles of bedding came tumbling down on top of him, falling from his head to the floor. He looked around, scanning for anyone in the area that might’ve seen his blunder, before quickly picking up all the fallen blankets.

He piled them all up in his arms, doing an odd dance to keep them from falling back down. Arthur leaned to the side, attempting to use his foot to close the closet, before giving up after a few failed tries. Coming back out after dropping off the blankets would be a more efficient way to do it, he concluded, and would save him a few embarrassing tries.

Scanning the floor for any ones he had dropped, Arthur nodded, feeling satisfied, when he found none. He turned, waddling his way down the hallway, stopping every few moments to adjust the pile and stretch.

“Arthur.”

He froze, cursing under his breath, and turned to his mother. Her eyes were red and puffy, trails of black makeup running down her cheeks. She had changed into sweatpants and a solid t-shirt, a box of tissues being clutched in her hand.

Rolling his eyes, he turned and continued his way back to his room, not wanting- no, not willing to give her the mind and attention she oh-so desperately wanted.

“Arthur, Arthur come back here.” Her voice was wobbly, as if she were just about to burst into another fresh set of tears.

He shook his head, huffing. “I don’t want to deal with you right now.”

This was just another part of her game. A pity party to try and draw Arthur in, to make her seem like a caring and empathetic mother who had just gotten into a petty argument with her son. She would wrap her arms around him, softly rubbing his back, whispering about how sorry she was. Of course, her apology would only be a group of thinly veiled insults, blaming him for what happened, and her grip on his shoulders would have her nails digging into it, but from the outside, from far away, you wouldn’t be able to tell anything was wrong.

Arthur was disgusted with himself that he had fallen into her trap more than once in his life, and quite often during those years when he sought validation and praise from her exclusively.

From the corner of his eye, he could see her shake her head, pulling a tissue from the box and dabbing it under her eye. Her breath hitched. “Don’t say that.” She took a step forward just as he resumed moving. “Arthur, dear, don’t ever stay that.”

He rolled his eyes, maneuvering the blankets to sit between his chest and right arm as he used his left to open the door. He pushed it open, seeing Vlad and Lukas’ heads rise.

Arthur stopped in the doorway, turning to her one final time. He deadpanned. “I don’t care. Go get some eye drops, your tears are a bit lacking.”

He could hear Vlad snort and his mother scramble for words as he walked into his room, throwing the blankets haphazardly onto the floor and slamming the door shut. Arthur squatted as his friends started grabbing blankets and adding them to the “sleep zone”, as it had been called one time, Arthur joining in once he got himself situated.

Vlad glanced up at him multiple times, obviously expecting something, but Arthur ignored it until the former stopped working. He looked up, raising an eyebrow, frowning. “What?”

He shook his head, huffing. “Are you okay, Arthur?”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, after tonight, with yer mom and everything, it’s just kinda worryin’ that you go through that every single day.” He averted his eyes, fidgeting, as if saying so might set Arthur on a warpath.

Arthur nodded his head, smiling. “Yes, I assure you, I’m perfectly fine.”

Lukas sighed. “If ya say so.”

The room fell silent as they started diligently working, the pile of blankets Arthur retrieved slowly but surely dwindling. It gave him some time to think, and he went on autopilot, letting his hands do the work as he was lost into his thoughts.

Mathias had said that he was pretty sure that Heracles had a crush on Kiku. However, a “pretty sure” was not a definite, and if Arthur were to go in and talk to him in the blind… It would be disastrous. It could spell the end for his entire plan, gone and revealed before it even began. He would have to go in and probe for himself, bring it up to him to see his reaction, but for now…

A bit of outside opinion would do.

“I’ve got a question, and I want it to stay between the three of us.” Vlad and Lukas looked up, Arthur’s attention going immediately to the latter of the duo. “This means that Mathias is not included.”

Lukas blushed, a rosy red spreading across his cheeks. He hung his head and crossed his arms, grumbling under his breath.

Vlad snickered, but nodded his head, waving his hands for Arthur to continue. “Yeah, sure, whaddaya need?” He scooted closer, leaning in, as if he expected to hear some deep and dark secret.

Arthur sat, criss-crossing his legs. “Er-” He tried to figure out how he was going to say this, how to make it sound like he was doing nothing but asking a question out of pure curiosity. Arthur tipped his head back, humming and studying the ceiling, his throat vibrating as he did so. From the tapping and huffs and puffs, he could tell they were growing impatient.

He sat up straight, tsking, and said the first thing that came into his mind. “If you have a crush on someone, what are some of the signs that would show?” He trailed off at the end of his sentence, his voice growing quieter, and he crossed his arms.

He waited for them to speak, preparing a mental list of all of Heracles’ behaviors around Kiku, or at least the ones he had already seen, where he would check them off one by one.

Vlad’s eyes widened and he lowered his head a bit, pursing his lips. Lukas deadpanned, staying silent and watching Arthur with keen interest. Vlad stuttered as he spoke, taking a few pauses to think of more. Arthur nodded each time he brought up a symptom. “Well, uh… when you’re around them, you’re constantly blushin’-”

Check.

“You always wanna talk to ‘em, no matter what it’s about-”

Check.

“I guess you can’t help but have a distaste of those that are really close to them, like a boyfriend or a girlfriend or someone like that.”

Check. It was extremely obvious that Heracles had a dislike for Alfred- at the least- and vice versa, for that matter.

“You can’t stop thinkin’ about them.”

Arthur winced. He could assume, but assumptions weren’t confirmations and it was iffy.

“And, uh… every time they do somethin’, you can’t help but-”

“Arthur.” Vlad frowned as Lukas cut him off, but the latter didn’t seem to care. He narrowed his eyes, looking Arthur up and down, his head cocked to the side.

He raised his eyebrow, a silent question to Lukas’ verbal one. They sat that way for about a minute or two, Arthur drumming his fingers against his thigh in a random pattern to pass the time.

It wasn’t until Vlad huffed, crossing his arms and pouting, that the silence broke. “Lukas~! Come on,” he whined, lightly shoving Lukas’ shoulder.

Lukas ignored him, keeping his eyes on Arthur. He repeated his name again.

“Yes?” Arthur pushed some strands of hair out of his face, giving his friend a sweet, honeyed smile.

When Lukas spoke, he asked such a question in such a blunt and dead way that Arthur couldn’t help but choke on his own saliva. “Do you have a crush on Alfred F. Jones?”

Vlad erupted, jumping to his feet, a large smile on his face and eyes wide. He pumped his fist up in the air, yelling about how he knew it, doing a small happy dance.

Arthur gave Lukas a look of horror, who returned only a raised eyebrow. He was expecting an answer, then.

Reverting to his instincts, Arthur started waving his hands, shaking his head with the same amount of vigor. When he spoke, he stuttered over his words, something that made his cheeks heat u. “No- no, of course, not. Why would I- why would I have a crush on Alfred, of all people.”

Lukas broke into a smug smile, leaning back and crossing his arms. Vlad had by then finished whatever he was doing, and sat down with his legs in a butterfly position. A small dimple appeared in the corner of his mouth as the latter spoke, his teeth showing as he smiled. “Ugh! Why didn’t I think of it before? Yer always talkin’ about him, always run into him, and-”

Vlad perked up, eyes growing to the size of saucers. His mouth gaped, and he raised a hand to cover it. “Oh my god. At Lukas and Mathias’ date, when you followed Alfred into the bathroom, were you two-”

“No. No. Don’t you dare go there. You have no idea what actually hap-”

Lukas nodded, getting what Vlad was trying to say. “Arthur, if you’re in a secret relationship with Alfred, we’ll support ya. But I really think that you two need to tell Kiku or it’s gonna get pretty messy-”

“I’m not in a relationship with Alfred,” he yelled, running his fingers through the carpet. How could they, his very own friends, assume that he was in love with someone he hated? Sure, Arthur found the fool attractive, had since the first day they met, but as soon as he opens his loud mouth, all of the perks of his looks went down the drain. He would never be able to stand such a person so much as to be his friend, much less in something more. “And I’m not telling Kiku, because there’s nothing I need to tell that snake.”

Vlad pursed his lips into a fine line. “You and Alfred would be such a cute couple, though.” Nodding his head, Lukas said his words of agreement.

Arthur deadpanned. “I doubt it.”

“But you would!”

Lukas stood, stepping over their pile of blankets and squatted next to Arthur. The latter balked as he was pulled into a loose hug, the former resting his head on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, Art. You supported me in my awkward love affair, so Vlad and I’ll support you in yours. Even if it’s three times worse.”

Vlad nodded, clapping his hands together, and Arthur wondered for perhaps what was the millionth time in the past few months what exactly he had just gotten himself into.

10 notes · View notes